A Business Guide for International Women's Day

Hello and welcome to the show. I'm making today's episode at home, so expect to hear some noise in the background because it's a weekend and everyone is home. Now, Speaking of a weekend, I'm making today's recording on the 8th of March 2026. And today is International Women's Day. It's an annual thing. It's celebrated every single year on the 8th of March. And so today's podcast episode is going to be dedicated to all our wonderful sisters, wifeys,

mummies, aunties, cousins, because today is your day, International Women's Day. Now, of course, you know that over here on the podcast, we don't we don't get into these sorts of issues because this is a business podcast. So we're going to be looking at International Women's Day or we're going to be celebrating International Women's Day over here on the podcast through a business lens, because the theme for this year is give to gain.

So if you go and check the International Women's Day website, gosh, what's the website? OK, sorry, I don't have the website here. But if you just go to Google and you check International Women's Day, you look for the website, you'll see that the theme for this year, because every every year they have a theme. So the theme for this year is Give to Gain. And I had a look at the website, but the truth of the matter is when I heard Give to Gain, one thing that came to my mind was there's some, there's certain schools of thought, you know,

in, in, in business circles. And one of them is what's this guy's name? Is it Joe Burger or something like that? I think he wrote a book called The Givers Givers Gain Principle or something like that. But anyway, that kind of thought has been really, really instrumental in groups like the BNI, which is Business networking International. Business Networking International is a group that is of course is devoted to business growth, but it's it's a networking thing.

It's a networking group and it the BNI all I put it now, the whole idea behind the BNI basically is business people come together to network so that they can give each other referrals. So let's say you and I, I am the same chapter of BNI in Abuja because they're different chapters all over the place. You know, Abuja, Abu Qutar, Lagos, Aberdeen or Washington DC, where else, you know, wherever you are, I'm sure there are BNI chapters there.

So the idea would be that by joining this association, we would be able to refer business to people. So there's some people that will come across that might not be good customers for me, but might be good clients for you. And so because of that, I would make a referral. So that's the idea behind the BNI. And so give us gain, gift to gain, you know, all these sorts of things. Those are the kinds of things that they say in those circles.

So once I heard that the theme of International Women's Day this year was gift again, I thought, interesting. OK, good. So if I'm going to make a business episode to celebrate International Women's Day and the theme is gift again, I figured I'll take some some levity and just stray small from the theme and talk about this whole philosophy of gift again, how it applies to business. And then we're going to explore some ideas around networking.

Because like I said, this whole thing of gift to gain, give us gain, blah, blah, blah. It's sort of like the unofficial motto of the BNI. Again, BNI is business networking international. So if you're curious, after you're done listening to this episode, you know, just go on Google, go and do some research, see if there's any local chapter close to you. But please bear in mind this is a paid thing and they are kind of, they are fairly rigorous in how they run their affairs.

So far, the chapters I've seen in Abuja and in Lagos have meetings first thing in the morning, maybe like 8:00 AM. That's when they have their first meeting and they don't tolerate late coming. I have to let you know this ahead of time, they do not tolerate late coming. So if your chapter says meeting time is 7:00 in the morning on Tuesday, they actually mean that 7:00 the meeting has started, not that 7:00 people are piling in.

So yeah, this is also one of the reasons why I did not join the BNI. I was curious and I would have loved to attend, but where I am in my life right now doesn't allow me to make such, you know, because I have early drop offs to drop the kids at school and things like that. So there's no way I'm going to be able to make an 8:00 meeting at this at where I am in this stage of life for now. So where was I? Yeah. So that's what we're going to be talking about today.

Basically give to gain, give us gain. Watch the philosophy and then talk a little bit about networking. So in business circles, at least in the West, when you hear give to gain or give us gain, or you know, you're hanging around people who are at the BNI, there are certain business principles that they talk about, which is how you grow and as a person or you grow as a business because you are giving a value to other people.

I repeat, the whole thing behind give to gain or give us gain is that you are going to grow personally or that your business is going to grow by giving value. So that's what the whole thing is about because you are giving and giving and giving. Eventually you will gain because somebody will say that babe, that woman, that auntie, that mummy is a very valuable member of this community. We suppose encourage her or we suppose, you know tit for tat she don't they give referrals.

We suppose give her referrals. That's the whole idea behind give to gain and give us gain. So it's a simple business principle. I will grow by giving value to others and that's where networking enters into the picture. Now, the reason why I wanted to talk about networking in particular is because I think it's a necessary tool for women in the modern era, especially now that there's a lot of talk about women's rights and things like that.

Because, OK, obviously I'm a guy and obviously, OK, well, it's not obvious because not all of you know, I'm a first born and I only have boys. So in the media and in the blogosphere and in the, you know, whatever, when people complain about the patriarchy, people are usually complaining about people like me, first born, sons, oldest son, what else? You know, on and on and on. You know, people who have positions of influence within the family or within certain communities or things like that.

So when people are shouting up and down on the Internet on days like today, people are complaining about folks like me. And it's not bad to complain about people like me. Although sometimes I resent the fact that a lot of you just assume that, OK, I'm a first born son, I only have boys. I'm the respected voice in my family. It looks like I'm going to be a respected voice in the community at large, and so therefore I must be a problem.

So I must admit, sometimes I kind of resent that. Like, come on now, you guys take it easy. But anyway, even though I'm the face of the patriarchy, I also the son of someone who regards herself as a feminist. And there is something that I think the later generation of feminists have kind of gotten wrong, and that is this whole idea of ranting against the patriarchy, complaining against the patriarchy. How will I put it?

A lot of times it just ends up being a complaining fest. And it's not really complaining that it's going to move your course forward. You will actually need to Start learning certain kinds of transferable skills that are going to advance your careers, going to advance your businesses, and are going to advance the cause. Because as the son of a feminist, I've tried, you know, to listen to feminist podcasts and things like that.

But I find that at the end of the day, it's just complain, complain, complain, complain, complain. But you're not really coming up with suggestions about what to do next to move things forward. It's always patriarchy is bad, down with the patriarchy, family is bad, down with the family giving birth to children is bad, down with children. So it's always down with this, down with this, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad.

But there's not enough focus on what is it that we're supposed to be doing instead? And I think that networking is one of those things that can be talked about a whole lot more in female circles so that women can start advancing their cause. Women can start advancing their careers and women can start advancing their businesses. So I would say that networking is absolutely essential, necessary for women today in 2026. Now, even if you're listening to this podcast IN20562086 or 3026,

I think that networking is still going to be an essential skill for women to learn. Now when we say, when most people say networking, what people have in mind usually is useful connections. And yes, that is correct. You need to have some useful connects because there's no point in well, very little point in having connections. And the people who are there are pretty much bleachers people who keep taking from you and taking from you and draining you, but don't add any value to your life.

By the way, when I say this, I'll not put it, OK, Every human, single human being is worthy of respect. Every single human being is worthy of regard. And so no human being is worth less than another just because they have less money. And then of course, you know, the way that we societies organized in this part of the world, African societies, typically as you go up, you so pause, drag, you understand, you pull the person that is coming under you.

So as you take one step, you pull somebody, the person will take that step too, and then the person will pull another person. So collectively, that's how the family will rise by one person pulling another. So definitely your connections. You have some people who, you know, technically speaking, they don't feel give you anything. Now you, they, you know, pull them, Now you, they bring them up. Now you they clean them, now you, they touch them up.

But that's not a problem. But we're trying to make sure that we have useful connections. Then when we say networking, we also have ideas around social capital. And remember, when we talk about social capital on this broadcast, we mean what you know and who you know. So you go through our life trying to build your career, trying to build your business, trying to advance in school, trying to advance in whatever. And over time you get to meet people who you know.

And over time, in interacting with other people and interacting with challenges and going through different adventures in life, you get to learn something, certain things. So what you know. So social capital is the sum of all those things. Who do you know and what do you know? And then of course, when people talk about networking, typically they also think of pre quo quo, quid pro quo, sorry, quid pro quo. I'm sorry, I'm not good at tongue twisters.

Now, the idea behind quid pro quo is, you know, scratch my back and scratch your own. Do me, I do you God, no verse. You know, all those ideas of yeah, exactly. You do for me, I do for you. So when people think of networking, these are all the ideas that readily come to mind. But there's one thing that I want to warn, and that is this thing of calling favors. And it's not just a problem with women. It's also a problem with with guys as well because it looks like some some basic values of,

you know, decency and respect and things like that is like, you know, people know they give home training again. So it's a mistake that both sexes make. But is all this thing of calling favors and you think that networking is calling on favors. Unfortunately, that is too transactional and it happens too late. And it's not, I can speak about this, you know, first hand. So there's some people who call me, but when, when?

But every single time they call me, I just know that OK, they're about to ask for something. The thing has now become transactional. The person on the other end of the line like me for instance, we do not value this intrusion in our time because every single time you call me, it's an ask. And unfortunately the ask is either going to involve my time was going to involve my money. So over time, what do you think is going to happen?

Over time, I will start ignoring some of those calls. Some of the people that you're calling to start asking upon favors are going to start ignoring your calls. This thing has become too transactional. It has become too 1 sided. And of course, usually when people reach out like this, it is often too late. Do they have called me before I would have been able to say no, no, no, no, no, no one like this, No one like this run it this way.

Or have you considered this? That would have prevented the trouble from even happening in the 1st place. So if you're one of those people who thinks that networking is calling all favors, I beg, perish the thought. You're burning up your social capital. The people that you know, people will start running away from you. The things that you know will reduce because people who ordinarily should have helped to reset your brain and tell you one or two things, they will start avoiding you.

You're burning your social capital. If your idea of networking is calling upon favors, you're too transactional, you're always too late and you're too 1 sided. Don't fall into it. Do not fall into it. So there is a proper way to network. So let's start approaching some of these ideas. But let me start by talking about something that I heard Oprah Winfrey say was a video of hers that I was watching. And somebody was talking to her about this whole woman and networking thing and stuff like that.

And so Oprah Winfrey, she had a couple of things to say, one thing that she had to say to young women. And by the way, this is Oprah Winfrey talking. So if you're angry, go out and shout out Oprah Winfrey. Don't shout at me. I'm not repeating what it is that she said. Oh, by the way, that's also another thing I don't like about the discourse that we have nowadays about men and women's affairs. So because I'm part of the patriarchy, I'm a first born son, I only have boys, and it looks like I might be a successful member of society in a couple of years.

So because of that, it is expected that because I'm a man, I'm a member of the patriarchy. It's expected that I do not have a right to be able to say certain things or that maybe I don't even have the perspective to understand certain things. OK, yes, I might not be able to have the proper perspective to understand to understand certain things, but because I'm the face of patriarchy in quote doesn't mean I should now keep my mouth shut.

I shouldn't be able to say one or two things. But anyway, luckily for me, Oprah is the one that said it. So if you're angry at her, go and shout at her. Don't shout at me. So Oprah Warfrey complained that too many young women make this in a very, very formal or something that they just walk up to her and they say, oh, Oprah, I love you. I respect you. Will you be my mentor? Oprah complained that she, quite frankly, she doesn't know what to do with that.

That is kind of overwhelming. And that what does it even mean for somebody to say I am your mentor. So this is Oprah talking, not me as a successful businesswoman woman. People are trying to be on the come up. They're trying to do networking. So they just run up to her. And then they say, Oprah, will you be my mentor? And so people, at least at the time of the podcast, women are asking her nothing every week for Oprah.

She says it's overwhelming. She doesn't know what to do. And then Oprah started talking about how men view things differently and how a man doesn't walk up to another man and say, Bros, I bad on you. Will you be my mentor, please? It is Oprah saying this, not me. So if you don't like what it is that I'm saying, go and shout at Oprah, go and shout at her Instagram handle, her Twitter handle, or go and send her angry emails, you know, don't send to me.

So Oprah pointed out how for men, these things are much more organic, not as formal. Somebody doesn't just show up and say, be my mentor, that they find much more organic ways to enter into somebody's life. And then before you know it, you know, 1 senior man would just have a a click or a crew of guys where in the, you know, take a long, you know, in the train, in the school, in the mentor, you know, that kind of thing.

But it's an informal something. It's not just a matter of you walk up to somebody and say, Bros, be my mentor. So it's like down with it. When I meet down with it, eventually, I'm not going to say, hey, down with it, be my mentor. So no, So young ladies who are saying be my mentor. And the reason why I'm asking is because since I started this podcast, I noticed that just like with Oprah, the people who come up to me and say be my mentor, I've noticed that it's usually usually women.

That's the reason why I'm bringing up these things because of course, some guys do it too, but they're very low. So the high percentage of people who come with a very direct format or something is usually women. So maybe there are podcasts out there that are telling young women now, look, you need to get mentors. So walk up to someone and say we will be my mentor. So that's not the way. Because the women who are in power in quotes like Oprah, it's too direct.

It's kind of overwhelming. And then other women, like, I don't know what Moabudu's opinion is on this sort of thing because I've not heard Moabudu talk about, excuse me, being asked to be a mentor and stuff like that. I've heard her talk about mentorship, networking and things like that amongst women. One, for those of you who don't know Mohabudu, she was the, the, the owner and the founder of Ebonylife TV. What else?

Ebonylife Studios, they had a whole recording facility in Tinapa in Kalaba where you could go and record movies and stuff like that. Then what else? I can't remember some of the other things she's done. OK, she used to be also in the hotel space back in Lagos. But then I think just like my mom says, she started her career in public relations, but she's a senior babe. She's a big babe. So I haven't heard her talk about things like that.

But I suspect that the number of young ladies who are walking up to more Abu Hussein be my mentor is probably high. And I won't be surprised if she also gets overwhelmed again, because, you know, it's, it's a bit too much. So let's look at different perspectives now about how you can hook up this mentorship thing. Now, the first thing you're going to do is to orchestrate an introduction. You're going to look for somebody who has mutual access,

somebody who is a respected person. And you see how that person can get you an introduction because, you know, Oprah now, very busy woman, more voodoo, very busy woman. So you don't just run into these people by by luck, by chance. So you hook up an introduction. Now, when you get an introduction, first of all, the focus is not what you can get from the person. The focus is not be my mentor or invest in my business or come and be on the board of my charity or you know, the first time you're meeting at Oprah Winfrey or more abudu is not take, take, take, take, take,

take, take. The focus should be on how you can add value to this person's life. I know some of you might think, oh, really simple me, how can I add value? Truth of matter is, you never know when you get into that kind of situation and you do get introduced to Oprah or you do get introduced, introduced to Mahabudu, or you do get introduced to Okonji, where she was our former coordinating minister for finance. I think she's currently back with the World Bank.

I think she's with the World Bank. I can't remember anyway, because she has had a very illustrious career. But when you meet those kind women, when you meet those kind Amazons, if you're able to get an intro, it's a matter of trying to be in that person's orbit. I'm trying to see how you can add value to that person, not what you can take. So maybe Okonji Wella. OK, And then go and do the research. Let's pretend she's still with the World Bank.

And let's say you've done your research ahead of time. By the way, before you meet these people, do your research before you meet Oprah Winfrey, before you meet Mahabudu, before you meet Okonji Wella. OK, that one is too high. Let's bring it down. Let's say in church, there's a respected woman in your church, the respected deaconess that you want to get to know. Maybe she's on the board of one or two companies or something like that.

Basha, a normal human being, respected person within your, your orbit. You must have done your research about these people ahead of time. It is not when you have the chance to talk to Deaconess Akubiro that you'll be asking her about her career. The information is, you know, widely available over the Internet, by the way. I'm just making her name up. So you suppose don't research Deaconess Aphubiro ahead of time or the person who is hooking up the introduction you would have asked the persons one kind question like oh this is Deaconess of Bureau.

I like her see the way she is. I just admire this woman when I grow up on to be like her, how she takes start safe and then the person will start giving you some kind gist about this woman. Her career had to come up. Did this did this do some background research first. It is when you do background research on somebody that when you show up in the person's ambit that you can start having some really thought provoking and insightful questions and you will now figure out how to add value.

So if you've done research ahead of time and you know, for instance, that maybe what's her name, Okonji Wehla, let's say she's with the World Bank now, but then she has some current pet initiatives. Maybe she's interested in infant mortality rate in Nigeria, or maybe she's interested in access to menstrual health, or maybe she's interested to Ruben, sorry, rural Urban Development and how it affects her mind. You know, whatever it is, if you have done some research ahead of time and you know one or two things about her, you'll be able to now have an intelligent conversation with her and say,

ah, that Madame Econ Joella, Oh, nice to nice to finally meet you. I know you hear this a lot, blah, blah, blah, but I actually respect you and this and this and that. Especially the work that you are doing in access to menstrual health. Something, something, something, something. Now if Okonji Wella is interested in these sorts of things, but she has not been putting much light on this kind of thing, she'll be impressed now.

Oh, this young lady that has stepped to me, she don't research me. She knows one or two things. It is from there, for instance, that if your specialty is in, let's say, social media management or something, just from there, they can now say that, look, Madam, this work that you're doing in access to mental health, access to menstrual health is very, very important. Like you said on your interview in CNN on the 16th of January.

So, so, so, and so this work actually needs to be amplified. And Mommy, I am so tripped and I'm so in love with you and I'm so in love with this mission that I'm willing to do whatever it takes using my skills as a social media manager, Mommy, to help this name blow. So Mommy, I beg, if you don't mind, can I collect the phone number of your Pai? Won't mind. Let me come to the office on Monday. Let me move this to your team.

Let's let me see what people are doing regarding this access to menstrual health and how you people are trying to publicize this thing. Let me see how I can use my skills, how I can use my time to grow this kind thing. You understand now when you show up like that with Deaconess Afubera in your church, or you show up like that to a kanji Weller or you show up like that to Moabudu, you show up like that to all these, you know,

correct, women, big, big women, all these Amazon them, they will take notice. You're a babe that will stand out instant instantly. You stand out because everybody else that is coming will be like, ah, auntie, I beg, I'm having this problem, Mommy, I beg, I'm having this problem, I'm having this problem. Can I do this? Mommy, I beg. I define work. But you that has come with this kind value exchange and insight immediately you stand out.

And it doesn't matter whether you're looking for a mentorship opportunity with Deaconess Afubero or with more Abudu or whatever. Even if Dangote where you want to approach, imagine you will stand out. Dangote will leave saying, that girl, she's sharp, he's APA, store her number. She could become handy sometime in the future. You understand that's the way forward. So you don't just roll up on primary free and say, will you be my mentor and somehow orchestrate an introduction?

Do your research ahead of time when you show up for this meeting. These people's time is valuable. They're always moving and they're meeting people every day. 20304050 people every day. How do you think Okonji Wella is going to remember you? If she if she's meeting 30 new faces every day by the end of the week, that is 210 faces. You gas to stand out. You gas to do your research and then add value. Then if you are lucky that this thing works and then you know you're now within her ambit.

You know the parambulate. You understand when she's in the country, she comes by the office. Maybe you jam out like two or three times, you know, because you're one of those faces. Oh, this is that sharp girl that I met her so so, so, and so you know you're providing value. You're not being a pest. You're not this whole mommy. I define work. Mommy, I have problem. Mommy, I this, mommy that you know, none of that. Once in a while when she's in the office, it won't be a problem for you to enter inside and say, ah, mommy, no vex, I

beg it Got one project where you know this, this is that, you know, and I'll need your advice. You know, what would you do if you were in this kind of situation? Then Deaconess Afubero again, I've just made that name up. Deaconess or Conjuella or Oprah Winfrey or more I would do or you know, if you're meeting a man or Dangote, then you know, don't mind giving you time because you are within the orbit your face that they see and that they know and you've been very,

very helpful. Don't have a problem. Just, you know, 5 minutes, 15 minutes, just give you a small conversation. OK, Have you thought about this? Did you do this? OK, as a matter of fact, I know somebody call this person. Just tell them that I sent you. And then of course, when you're with this with these people, be respectful of their time because everybody wants their time. Everybody, even me self where I never blew, you know, people want my time.

So I can understand what the pressures must be like when people get to that level. When you are an Oprah, when you are more abudu and even on the church level when you are a deaconess, the more you come out of your car, you know people are greeting you. Somebody wants to carry your bag. You know that the person wants to carry your bag eventually wants to ask you for something because you get her own problem, you know.

So be respectful of that time. You add value any single time when you do touch base, you know, sharp, sharp, sharp, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes Max and then move because there are other people who want mummy's time. So if you're a calling, favor all kind of person, I beg, you're being too transactional, you're being too late, you're being a leash Leech and you end up burning all the social capital that you have.

Rather, orchestrate an introduction, see how you can add value or say you can drop some small insights. Then by the time you're a valuable person, you've been hanging around. You know you don't like how the planets orbit around the sun. By the time you don't the orbit, you know, you, you know, how does the sun, OK, the Earth orbit orbits the sun. I mean, one cycle is 365 days. So by the time you don't orbit two or three times, you know you don't the orbit 6 months, you don't the orbit 1 year.

You'd have found the right to be able to walk inside mommy's office and say Mommy, I beg Novix if you give 5 minutes guarantee where I want to discuss with you. That's how you do it. These are the ideas behind give us gain or give to gain because I they give and they give and they give eventually miss help I could again because I have been given now I don't end the right small to ask for something in return now. So will they do so?

Yeah. So I'm the face of the patriarchy. Yes, I'm a first born son. Yes, I only have boys. Yes, it looks like I'm going to be a bigger boss in the future. Yes, granted I'm the face of the patriarchy. But still something good can come from my mouth. And I hope as I'm talking now I'm ministering to one or two young ladies who are listening to me. Hope I'm ministering. Yes, I'm the face of patriarchy. But something good can come from my mouth.

Because I'm the face of the patriarchy does not mean that I'm evil. I'm not a villain. You don't see me immediately and then automatically I'm the enemy. No be so. No be so. Anyway, more ideas about networking. So, does networking have a special time and a special place? The answer is no. There are too many people, whether young men or young women, who assume that networking only happens at networking sessions. Now, networking sessions are very, very good.

For those of you who've been following the podcast for years, you'll know that there's this initiative by the UK government. What's it called? Alumni. It's called Alumni UK. For those of us who graduated from schools in the United Kingdom, they hold these sessions that are also that are organized by the British Council. And I can't remember which other body, but the whole idea is they set up these things so that those of us who graduated from UK schools can get together periodically, you know,

quarterly, annually, whatever. We get to meet ourselves, we get to network and then things like that. And obviously these people are very smart. Honestly, the reason why they're doing this is not because the Lycos. The reason why they're doing this is because if they're able to build useful, credible alumni networks, it will also be a way of marketing admissions to UK schools. I repeat, just in case you didn't get it, if these people are able to build really wonderful, credible alumni networks, other people will be noticed and be like, oh, not them.

Them I only UK see as they're moving and they're shaking. Therefore let me to go to Auk school or let me send my kids to Auk school. So there's some communities that already have this thing like the, is it the Harvard society or something? Basically Nigerians who went to Harvard, you know, they have their own association, they get their own click. So those kind of networking sessions, you know, Harvard Association of Nigeria, Lagos chapter, you know, whatever or alumni UK or even or maybe even,

you know, eBay or more to do a, you know, descendants of Yoruba people through so, so so you know, all those kind of networking sessions, no problem. It's all good. But that doesn't mean that you cannot be networking without a special time and without a special place. So networking doesn't need a special time. It does need a special place. You should always be looking for people who are worth building a connection with.

Please remember that when I talk like this, I'm not saying that some people that may be poor people or broke people or whatever, you should not be friends with them. Please. I am not saying that we should respect everybody, OK. And then since we're Africans, since we're Nigerians, we know the game. The game is as you, they move up, you're going to pull one or two people along with you. You clean them up, you touch them up so that they too,

they'll pull somebody again. That's how things work, or rather that's how things are supposed to work in Nigeria. As you, they clean up, as you do progress, you go to clean up one or two people, they too should be cleaning up some people. That's how I'll be making progress. So when I say always be on the lookout for people worth building connections with, I'm not saying, you know, prioritize the rich or the powerful over those who are poor who don't have anything.

I'm not saying that. OK, Then we should also be looking for situations where we can provide mutual beneficial value to people. So we're keeping an eye out for people that if they were in our space, we'll be able to provide value to them. They would also be able to provide value to us even if you're looking for somebody who is not in your space like the person is on another level like Madam Okonji Wella for instance, where she don't pass your level far.

Still you're trying to see how they can be mutually beneficial value. You'll be giving value to Madam Okonji Wella and then once in a while, you would a guess of value in return. So we should always be on the lookout. And I've noticed that that's one thing that Nigerian parents do very well. I noticed because for me, when my kids were getting into school, I was just thinking school, quite frankly, that's all I was thinking.

But I noticed that men, Nigerian parents always on the move everywhere in the network. Church is networking opportunity, mosque is networking opportunity, school is networking opportunity. Nigerian people know they carry last, always on the move. But yes, that's the attitude. Anywhere can be a networking opportunity, mosque, church, even school. I've even seen in the market where two people hooked up and started having an interesting conversation and I said imagine simple market, Carol Market in Abuja, hot, sweaty or whatnot,

random conversation. These people just start and looks like there's some business alignment. So even in the market you're pricing a Guzzi, pricing on your pricing meats, pricing bitter leaf. Even there you can be doing networking so should always be on the lookout. How can you find people who are worth building connections with and where there are opportunities for mutually beneficial value. In fact, I would say look for opportunities where you can add value first because you being a valuable member of a network can make networking easy for you.

Because if everybody knows that look, this babe, whenever she enters into the situation, things change. When this babe enters inside the room, solutions come automatically. If everywhere is scattered and this babe comes in everywhere, go, just arrange. When you are that kind of lady, it's not even that you're the one that will be chasing people. Then go, they chase you now, damn, would they rush you For you, the challenge will now be OK.

So many people, they rush me. How can I scream? How can I filter? How can I reduce? How can I prioritize? Who am I going to let come close? So you should be focusing on the value that you bring the situations. Now, even though I've said that there's no need for special networking time, no need for special networking place. Also, please take advantage of all these formal networking sessions. If the core meeting of descendants of alluring something something something show, show up, you don't know who can be there.

You don't know, you never know, you might show up there for descendants of of eluring children something something Abuja chapter meeting, you might show up and then you meet somebody who happens to be the son-in-law for Koji Wella. Now Koji Wella Isibo, you're a descendant of Eluring but because her son-in-law is there, that's why you get the introduction. You never know how these connections work. So show up if they say old students of above me, a World War University Lagos chapter,

having networking something. So show up. You never know. You haven't seen your classmates in 20-30 years. You don't know what's up. You don't know who is where and who is who and what's been going on. Show up if you hear say alumni UK, Alumni UK something something, they have a meeting. Calaba session, sorry, Calaba chapter something something meeting at Federal Palace Hotel, Show up. You never know. You finish your master's, you know, University College London or something you finished ten years ago.

You don't know what your classmates are, you don't know what's been going on. You don't know who is who, you don't know who is moving and shaking. Show up. BNI down is a weekly something, but Please remember BNI, they don't play. They're very serious. If they say the meeting starts at 6:00 AM in the morning, best believe 6:00 AM meeting has started. If they say 7:00 AM. If they say 8:00 AM meeting has started. Unfortunately for me, I could not find a single chapter that has their meeting at 10 AM.

At least it was 10 AMI would have gone. So please those of you who are members of BNA in in Niger, I beg you should talk to your chapter presidents on this seven O clock meeting. 8 O clock meeting. Those of us that do school runs, like how are we supposed to partake? Not everybody has driver so that the driver will go and drop the kids. Then we can go somewhere else. I beg you should try and be organizing some of these meetings.

You know, 93010I beg anybody who is a BNI chapter, go and talk to your chapter president. I beg some of us want to take part. It's just that 7:00 meeting, 7:00 meeting. Anyway, then move on. What Sharon, I'm just trying to say is any formal networking event show, show up, show up, show up. Now when you show up, do not commit any of these cardinal scenes. There are some scenes that people make when they show up for networking sessions.

Well, sorry for the noise coming in from the background. Like I said, making these days recording at home. I live in an estate where people are not supposed to keep pets. And when we were coming here, my wife was very happy because my wife doesn't like animals. But then when we moved in, we saw that we are living in a zoo. So the Kukuruku you're hearing outside is my neighbors chickens? Yeah, my neighbors has chickens.

Then there's another neighbor that has Peacocks. Yes, Peacocks. I had no idea that people keep Peacocks as pets. Then my children discovered a few days ago that my neighbor downstairs has dog. OK. Then immediately we moved in, my wife noticed that there was plenty of stray cats around. Then I'm hearing gist that somebody has a pet snake in this estate by name. It's just gist I've not seen. It's just gist I've heard. So they say this estate, no pets.

Meanwhile, you can say I'm living in a zoo. So that cuckoo that you're hearing, it's my neighbors chickens. Please, Nigerians, can we learn how to obey rules? Yeah, if you're moving to an estate and they say no pets allowed, if you have pets, don't move in there instead of coming there with your chickens and your Peacocks and your snakes and your cats and your, I don't know, anyway, So yes, apologies. That's the noise in the background.

Where was I? So there's some cardinal scenes that people commit when they go for formal networking sessions. One of them is some people just enter there and all they do is business card, business card, business card, just be collecting business card, collecting business card, collecting business card down is even better. Some people, their own focus is just on giving business card, giving business card, giving business card.

Please don't be that babe who shows up for the formal networking event and that's all you do. You say, oh, my name is Kemi Battleball. I graduated from Harvard. I graduated first class. This is my company. This is what I do here. Take my card. Then you move on to the next person and you start again. My name is Kemi Battleball, graduated from Harvard. I graduated from first my class. This is my startup. This is what I do here.

Take my business card, I graduate, and then on and on and on and on. You go for a networking session and then you spend 2 hours just saying. My name is Kim Guaidevo. I graduated from Harvard. I was top of my class, I finished first class. I currently run the startup. This is what I do. First of all, yes, it's kind of impressive and people will be like, man, that baby's impressive, but that's where it will end. You won't build any meaningful relationship with anybody #2

that kind of networking is very, very tiring. It's very, very tiring. That's the reason why some of you leave networking sessions and you leave very tired. You leave exhausted because it is exhausting to spend 2 hours going up to people and then saying hello, my name is Sammy Betobo. I graduated from Harvard. I was top of my class right now, relocated to Nigeria. This is my startup. This is what I do. Very tiring then.

Plus it's embarrassing because eventually you will get back to somebody that you will not even remember their face. You will start the spiel all over again. Hello, my name is Keen Baddibor. I graduated first class in Harvard. Top of my class. I really care about Nigeria. The person. Now stop here and say, actually we've met before. I've collected your business card. Awkward. Awkward as hell. You just spoke to somebody 2

minutes ago. You can't even remember their face. You think this person will have a good impression of you? You couldn't even bother to remember their face or their name. You think the person is going to keep your business card and actually call you you when you couldn't even bother to remember that you just had a conversation with this person 10 minutes ago because you're preoccupied to running around and telling everybody about your first class and telling everybody about your startup.

Please don't be that babe. I see this one has nothing to do with patriarchy. Even amongst guys, nobody likes that guy. Nobody. There's one of our classmates that has me and Sherkun because for video and photo, you know, he's my guy. We run some projects together. So it's one of our classmates that's a big boy, confirm big boy. When it comes to media in Nigeria, everybody knows the guy's name, Everybody certified big boy.

In fact, those one time were at his house and the guy was kind of bragging, you know, that kind of humble brag or showing us his phone as you know that this person was reaching out to him was in Lagos. The person is begging that she collects 7.5. And then he said no, you know, that kind of humble brag, you know, so we all know those kind of guy. Nobody likes that kind of guy. You know, when we finished and we left, although I drive, I was about to drive out.

Shekhar was like there's no point. I said there's no point. I be say, yeah, there's no point and Shagun can be kind of rude. Shagun said don't mind that. You know, he used some expletives starting with the words M, it has mother in front and then it ends in ER. So they said don't mind that mother. I beg More they go, more they go it's not his fault self. Yeah, now we will say me with concrete time. So nobody likes that kind of person.

In case some of you are saying that, oh, women get punished for this, men get punished for this. No, it's not a matter of women get punished for nobody likes that guy, Nobody likes that girl who is just me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Humble brag, humble brag, overt brag, overt brag. So when you're in a networking session, don't do that. It's not about dishing out your business card and then bragging about you. For those of you who go and try to collect as many business cards as possible, OK, people are on the right track.

The problem problem is you collect all these business cards at the end of the networking event. You don't call anybody please networking properly. So speaking begins after the event is over, not while the event is on. Let me repeat in case some of you don't get it. And there's something I've been telling my wife because she goes for some of these things. She comes out with like 1010 business cards. I'm like, OK, so when are you going to call them?

She's like, I break. Showing up for the session is not the main thing. What you do after the networking event is the main thing. The phone calls that you make after the event is the main thing. The office visits, the house visits, the project visits, the whatever that you do after the event is the main thing. So it's not even just about collecting business card up and down. If after the event you don't do anything with those business cards, you have wasted your time.

The only thing you benefited is you just had some good drinks because at this networking events, they don't even have the distance to have good food. They will say is finger food. You now come and be giving me what was this thing called? I can't remember. This thing is called samosa. You come and give me two samosa. Like what am I supposed to do with this thing? You guys can't even have proper, you know, rice and chicken at this events.

What's with all this finger food to help with finger food, I beg. Yes, it's a networking event, but you know who goes up now? Some correct drinks. You know, you give somebody 1, you know, one glass of champagne, that's all. Like, I don't know who organizes these things. Give us some food, give us some some drinks. Let's have a good time. You know, how did I get there? So anyway, so it's not about additional business cards.

It's not about collecting business cards. Now, when you show up for the event, these formal sessions, this is the proper focus that you need to have. You're trying to figure out who is in this room because honestly speaking, you don't know, you may go, you may have gone to school with some of these people, but it's been a while. It's been 10 years, 20 years, 15 years, 30 years. It's been a while. Who is in the room? What do they do?

When you're meeting people, this is the proper focus. You walk up to somebody, you introduce yourself, but you're also trying to find out who is this person? What do they do? How did they get here? What's their history? What are the current challenges that they're facing? Personal, you're in business, What is their vision, personal or business wise? Stuff like that. It is I'm asking all these kinds of questions that you can figure out who is interesting enough to keep in touch with afterwards.

Can you also see why walking all over the hall saying, hello, my name is Kemi Baddibor. I graduated from Harvard first class. I'm back in Nigeria. This is the startup that I'm working on. Here's my business card. You leave, you take that approach. You will never find out who was important in the room. What if you've been trying to get in touch with Bill Gates for a very long time and there were six people in that room who actually be connected to the Bill and the Melinda Gates Foundation?

You will never know because you never asked anybody a single question. Your focus was, hello, my name is Kemik by the ball. I graduated first class from Harvard. I'll stop in my class. I'm back in Nigeria now. This is my startup here. This is my card. You will never know that five of the people who are in the room are connected to Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, the very same organization you've been trying to hook up with.

You will never know. In fact, I tell people you're better off not talking about yourself at all. You just go. You roll up on somebody. Hey, what's up? Hope you're having fun at the event so far. Oh, by the way, how did you join the organization? Oh, really? OK. You graduated from the UK as well? Which school? Oh, University College of London. Oh, interesting. I always wanted to go to that school by I couldn't get in. I wanted to go for the master's program.

Which program did you go for? Oh, interesting. Politics, philosophy and economics. Wow, How come you chose that course, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah? By the way, how does that tie to what you do today? What do you do today anyway? Oh, really? You work in this field? You work in that field? Oh, that's interesting. All projects are you guys currently working on blah, blah, blah, blah, OK, All people in that field usually have these kinds of challenges, that kinds of challenges.

Are you guys having those kinds of challenges as well? OK, so what's the trajectory for growth for 20/26/2020 Seven in Nigeria. OK. Oh, these are your plans. This is this That is not that sounds like some pretty cool stuff. Pretty interesting. Hope you don't mind. I'd like for us to keep in touch. Can I have your business card? You see how you do it, but it's how you leave that person. The person will be like that woman was a very brilliant, very smart, intelligent woman.

By the time you called the personal blade on hi, this is coming by the of course the person would remember your name because he met 50 different people. So coming. Sorry, I can't remember. Oh, we met two weeks ago at the social social networking session. I'm the girl that you spoke about, the one who couldn't, that we, we spoke to the one who couldn't get into University College of London. Oh, I'm so glad you called. I'm sorry I had all these business cards.

I didn't know which was you and blah, blah, blah. And I've been asking around. Oh, I'm so glad you called. I've been thinking about you. I really enjoyed our conversation together, blah, blah, blah. You see how the thing happens? You show up to these sessions and the focus is who is in the room, What do they do they think that they're doing now? Where are they trying to move these things to? Are they facing any challenges?

What is their vision? You're just trying to figure out who is an interesting person in this room so I can keep in touch with this person afterwards. Then pursue the relationships after the networking event. Call somebody, visit somebody, go somewhere, do something. I don't know what it is. Whether you're going to send an e-mail or a text message or a WhatsApp message or you, the session is not the main thing. If you do not call anybody after the event, you can't even say that you had a good evening with good food, because all you did was you have one glass of champagne, only one glass.

They'd even give you guys, you know, correct shadow, you know, to lubricate and enjoy yourself. Then the best that they give you is 1 meat pie and two samosa. Then all those funny vegetable like somethings, you just put one vegetable in your mouth and anything, no disintegrate. You can't even say you have good food. Then the way that they organize these things, there's no chair to sit down, so people are standing all the time.

You're wearing high heels, you'll be standing for three hours. You can't even say it was a fun, fun event if you don't call anybody afterwards. If you don't do anything after the event, you just wasted your time. You're better off staying at home. So this is how you do networking, especially in the formal networking session. The focus is on what you do after the event. While you're in the event, you're just trying to figure out who is in the room, who are the interesting people here, what do they do?

And it's from all these questions that you ask about their history, about where they are, the vision that they have. The challenges are not what not. That is where you will get the information so that by the time you're calling up somebody later on, you have some value to give to them. So back to this whole chemical badable example, by the way, I don't know if it's a real name. I just made it up. Your name is chemical badable.

I beg. It's just a coincidence, OK? I'm not picking on you. So by the time this person is like, oh, I'm so glad you called and this and this. And he said, yeah, actually, I've been thinking about this, our conversation that we had. Remember when you said with your organization, with your business, you're experiencing this and this and this challenges? I've been thinking about that. And in my business, what we do is something, something,

something. I think there is room here for mutual growth. I have come up with a couple of scenarios where I think how my organization and yours working together, I can help you achieve this disease and that that, that that. Would you be interested in having a meeting with me? I'm going to be in Lagos. I'm coming in on the first flight. I have one or two projects around. But by Wednesday afternoon, I should be free. Can I come by office so that we can talk?

You see how the thing works. It is because you listen to the person that you're not able to think that, oh, OK, based on what they're doing, based on where they're going, based on the challenges that they're facing myself, this is how I can slot myself into the agenda. And then you have a meeting. Whether the deal closes or the deal doesn't close is beside the point. The thing is just that by doing all the right activities over and over again, you are increasing the chances that eventually something sweet will click.

That is how it works. So it's not just about sharing business card anyhow. It's not just about collecting business card anyhow. Who is in the room anyway? Since I've overstressed it and since we're close to one hour, let me bring today's episode to a close. So happy International Women's Day to all my aunties, all my mommies, all my cousins, all my younger sisters, all my Big Sisters. No, we love you, all of you. Today's your day.

So happened to National Men's Day and I made today's podcast in support of it. I don't want to beg you people on a few things, especially since I am the face of patriarchy because I'm a first born son and I only have boys and the way things are going, if I plan my life well, I'll be somebody in society in a couple of years. So I'm the face of patriarchy. I just want to beg all of you now I'm not the enemy. I get that a lot now that we have boys.

My wife understands some of the things that I was saying because there was one party that we went to and my son, this time, my son was only two years old. I say 2, two or three, two years old. I can't remember what it was. And you know how it happens with children. And then another mother was saying that, ah, good, we have to teach men about respect, about access to men's bodies. Something, something, something. My mom was like from where to where?

Like they are just children or it was an honest mistake. These things happen all the time, like from where to where? And the other mothers were joining in that know that yes, yes, access to female body. Something, something, something, something. My wife was confused because it was a so it was not a party was a bridal. What do you call this thing? Is it bridal? Bridal shower? But what do you call it? Either bridal shower or mommy shower or something like that.

You know, these kind of events where they allow children. My wife was giving me the gist later on and I told her, look, my dear, there actually is some of the things I'm trying to explain to you. But now that we have boys, you see, the only thing I'm begging is that the the temperature is too high. Everybody is on high alert. The temperature is too high. We need to calm things down. He was just a 2 year old boy playing with another 2 year old lady.

And then mistakes happen. Everybody called a vibrate access to female's body from where to where on top Two years old. It's not as if I went somewhere and then as an adult I want to go and press somebody's, you understand? I beg. Temperature is too high. We should calm it down. So yes, I'm the face of the patriarchy and like my son too, he's the face of a patriarchy. He's the first born son of a first born son. If I play my cards right and I

become somebody he self, he will become somebody. That's how all of now we look at the poor boy. He's the face of the patriarchy. Calm down, relax. Temperature is too high. Patriarchy. Mine is not even the problem. The problem is a lot of us boys who are being raised with our accountability, we're being raised without proper formation. Nobody's teaching us the proper rules, the proper things, how to conduct ourselves.

What does it mean to be a man then? There's no accountability. So all these politicians now with the misbehave up and down like this guy, Senate President, the only two press, this woman, Natasha, the whole thing became an issue. The problem is not patriarchy. The problem is that we didn't hold this guy to account. We don't hold him to account. So today he tried, now he tried to press somebody today. He got away with it.

Tomorrow he will try and press another person again. Now because no accountability, we know hold up to the rules. We don't hold up to the standard. That's problem. Don't be saying our patriarchy that problem. Patriarchy is not the issue because let's face it, even if we switch today and then we say OK, matriarchy is now the norm so long as women know they play by the rules, No, they are accountable. You know, no proper formation.

Yeah, goes to the query was still day. So it doesn't matter what it is, patriarchy, matriarchy, oligarchy, any kind key problem was still day. If people are not playing according to the rules, if no proper formation, no accountability. So that's the problem. Nobody said patriarchy, not the issue. Then we also need to calm down. Nobody fight. The sexes are comple, complementary. It's not a war. It is not me versus you.

It's not boys versus girl. There's no husband versus wife. It's complimentary. It is boy and girl or girl and boy. It is me and you or you and me. It is husband and wife, Abby, wife and husband. The Catholic Church calls it complementarity. Now the principle be that complementarity of the sexes as was as what we have here, it's not a war, it's not a fight. Then please understand that even though some of us are the face of the patriarchy, I'm a first born son.

I only have boys. My poor son is going to grow up as the first born son of a first born who also happens to be a bigger boy. If everything I do clicks, you know it's it's not a war when you see me. Don't just see me as patriarchy. For those of you that are old, see me as your son. For those of you that are close in age, see me as your brother. See me as your cousin as you do. Look your husband. That's what you should look.

Me too. But of course, you know I'm not your husband, you understand? I'm happily married. I'm not looking for a second wife, at least not yet. Let me hammer first. I'm just kidding. Don't tell my wife that I beg, but that's how you see me. If you see me as a son and you see said they misbehave, call me and say my son, You know, I like what you're doing. This, this, this. But it's something I want to tell you. And then you talk to me as your son, as a son, talk to me as a brother, talk to me as a cousin,

talk to me as a husband. This thing is not war. And see, let me take one secret. If you make this thing war, men are very, very quarrelsome. If you want war, what would they do? They will give you war. And if you enter into a war knowing that you're not strong enough to succeed, then it's not a war. I beg, let's calm things down. And I am not the enemy. If I've been able to say something today that will inspire or influence one or two babes, I hope people understand.

I hope you can see that you actually can learn one or two things from the enemy. So it's not always that you just condemn us and write us off. So a happy International Women's Day today, the 8th of March 2020, sixth Sunday. I'm the child of a feminist and we get plenty feminist ready for my family. So because of that, I stand and I salute because today is your day. In fact, it is not. Like I said, it's not a war, it's not a competition.

Today is our day because today we celebrate our mommies, we celebrate our sisters. For those of us who have these only boys, I have, you know, but for those of you who have girls, we celebrate our daughters. So today's our day is not a fight, it's not a war. But I'm hoping that I've been able to impart something about networking, the right way to network. And hopefully this will add to the conversation small so that people have Oprah Winfrey and people like Mohabbudu and people like Okonji Wella.

Don't be in that situation where young girls just walk up to them and say, mommy mentor me. Anyway, if you've heard something here, you'd like to connect with me, you can call, send me a text message or WhatsApp message on 08064662140. Or please don't ask me to be your mentor because I don't mentor anybody, at least not for free. But if you have any questions, I will answer your question because I'm OK with giving free coaching provided we tackle one question only.

So think really hard, I think really fast about your what you want your one question to be. If you want us to go in depth, let's say you've been trying networking. Networking is a serious part of your career growth plan or your business development plan or stuff like that. And you have questions around whether you're executing it well, what you could be doing differently, things like that. Then reach out, you call me,

send me a text message or a WhatsApp message on 08064662140. Well, please don't call me at 7:00 AM. Last week somebody tried calling me at 7. AMI have kids. Early morning is early morning school runs and stuff. What's that call? Send me a text message or a WhatsApp message. So yeah, that's it. Hope you've had fun. If there's anything I said here that you disagree with still, I'd like to hear from you. 08064662140 You can call me unless quarrel.

You can say, bro, that time that you said this, you are not correct. Let me hear your own perspective. So that's it. Thanks for your time and attention. I will catch you all some other time. Again, happy International Women's Day to all my female listeners listening to the podcast today or at any other time that you're listening to the to the podcast. So I'll catch you some other time.