From Fear to Finish Line: Planning Your Way to Success

Hello and welcome to the show. It's a cozy Monday evening over here. So let's just head straight into it. The question for today is how to overcome fear of failure. Now, failure or inadequacy or the feelings that things aren't going to work out. It's it's normal. Everybody goes through them. And technically speaking, if you're a psychiatrist, you know, I'm sure you're going to treat each of these things as a separate thing, you know, fear of failure, lack of confidence,

inadequacy, blah, blah, blah. But for the purposes of this show, I'm just going to lump everything together because from a business perspective or from a sales perspective, usually it's a whole bunch of these things that are lumped together in one. And then plus, I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm not a psychologist, I'm not a psychoanalyst, I'm not a psycho anything. I'm not a shrink, so I'm just trying to take whatever wisdom that we can get from the disciplines of sales and business development and see how we can help ourselves out.

Now, remember, I've been saying time and time again on the podcast that when we discuss these sorts of things that it's actually best if you say a mental health professional. Luckily, in Nigeria, mental health professionals are becoming more readily available. Still not enough. And when you find them in private clinics, as at the date of this recording, it can be quite expensive. So the average consultancy fee for, you know, normal doctor when you stroll into a government hospital is, let's say, roughly 10 grand.

You know, 5K in some places, 7K in some places, let's just call it 10 grand. But for mental health professionals, you know, I've heard forty, I've heard fifty. You know, for the average person going to go and see a shrink, well, you know, we're just not there yet. You know, the average person is not going to fork out 50 KS. Go and see a shrink. Well, of course, if you have a broken leg and you need to fork off, fork out 120 then you know,

of course. Yeah, anyway, let me stop rambling. But luckily, I'm just trying to say that mental health professionals are now readily now more readily available in Nigeria. All you have to do is step into a government hospital. For instance, in Abuja, the closest one to me, the General Hospital Area 8, the time I ran into trouble with the Federal Rd. Safety Corps, you know, they got me, they impounded the car and maybe I look like a mad guy.

So they said I had to go for a mental health inspection. And anyway, so it cost me, I think at the time it cost me 5 grand to register and set up a, a card with the hospital. So it just cost me about 5 grand to see a mental health professional. So if you think that you are feeling things, suffering stuff that go beyond the ambit of what it is that we're talking about over here on the podcast and you're Nigerian, you need not suffer for too long.

There's help available just strolling to the nearest government hospital. I'm sure a medical doctor should be able to point you in the right direction or at the very least since they receive some form of mental health training. I know it's inadequate. Some people say you only receive one elective in year, year two or year three or something like that. It's still better than someone else like me just grabbing the mic and pontificating on things about mental health.

So failure, inadequacy, things aren't going to work out. We're going to lump it all into the same perspective. Now, the solution, in my own opinion, is not motivational talk and the solution is not in our work. Maybe we're going to get to, in our work, mental game, motivational talk and all the, you know, all that other stuff. We'll get to it eventually, but not now. Because in the average person, a fear of failure or feelings of inadequacy come from this very palpable feeling that, you know,

you don't have a plan, so you can't even see how something is going to work. And then the lack of confidence bit or feeling like you lack the personal capacity to do something, usually it's a sign of like you haven't done the thing before. So for the average person who is not dealing with severe mental health issues, the problem really is that you don't have a discernible plan. And so because you don't, the thing looks scary.

It doesn't matter whether you want to invest in real estate, you want to invest in capital markets or you like a guy in your class or you like a girl in your class, it's it's all the same. There's no discernible plan. You don't know what you don't because you don't have a disabled plan. You can't see how it's going to work. And that is where some of these feelings are coming from. And then lack of confidence or personal competence, personal capacity, all those things because you have not done it before.

So those are the reasons why the average person is feeling these things. Please remember, I'm talking about the average person. I'm not talking about people who wake up in the morning and have a cloud hanging over their heads and they have no idea if the cloud is going to lift and when things are going to, when things are going to subside. When I was younger and I thought I had problems with depression and stuff like that, that's the way the doctor spoke to me about it.

The doctor said, young man, you don't have a problem. And I said I don't have a problem. How He said, let's pretend that you wake up in the morning and there's a cloud over your head. Does the cloud, does the cloud rise? I thought, yeah, yeah, sure. The cloud rises. And I said, yeah, young man, you don't have a problem. Everybody goes through it. You know, back then I was a Moody teenager like some of you. And so that's why I explained it to me because I have never, I

mean, the sun has always risen in my head. So things might be crap right now, but you sleep, you eat, you watch the STV or, you know, something by shawarma eats. We have sleep, Wake up and ready to face the day. So it's a young man, you don't have a problem. Now, there's some people that have severe problems because the cloud does not rise. So I'm not talking about those sorts of people. I'm talking about the average Nigerian who is scared because of business or career or something.

So with what I've said right now, you'll find that most people will be fine if you can just come up with a plan. If you're scared of doing online marketing for your business, you think that is what you need to do next and you think that is what is hampering your your growth going to go and do that mental work, mental game. And you know all that. Yeah, it's, it's all right. It's not bad. But if you come up with a plan first for speaking professionals, like, OK, I need someone to take me from point A

to point B. How do I pick the right professional? What do I need to educate myself about? What kind of plans are out there? How can I take small calculated risks? If you do all these things first and then walk on the metal game later, I think you'll be better off because education reduces the uncertainty and small wins lead to bigger confidence that you can do things later on. So if you read things like, let's see, what else, OK, people in my own generation would have read Rich Dad, Poor Dad does.

That was kind of the stuff that was flowing out, flowing around at the time. You see that the principle is pretty much the same. Rich dad, poor dad. The wealth vehicle that are contemplated in those sorts of books are real estate. So real estate scary. How do you reduce the scariness? How do you reduce your fit, your fear? Get education. You're more educated, the amount of risk reduces, your feelings of competence increase.

And then you start small, especially if you're going to do the rich dad poor dad way. Now, if you're following other people like Grant Cardone and you're thinking about getting involved in real estate, I mean, Grant Cardone says don't waste your time buying single unit, double unit, blah, blah, blah. He thinks start off with multiple units. But anyway, that's a conversation for another day. But either way, you can see that if you're thinking the Grant Cardone way, don't buy single or double units, buy plenty units.

You might as well just start on that level. Or if you're thinking rich dad, poor dad, buy a house first. Or no, not by a house. What is it called? Sorry, I can't remember all those plans. It's been a while since I read the books. But Grand Cardone and Robert Kiyosaki would have a difference of opinion about how you're entering the the the real estate market. But they have one thing that is the same. That is educate yourself.

So educating yourself is going to reduce the uncertainty. The small wins was going to lead to bigger confidence that you can get some stuff done. So it's the same for those of us who are scared of personal selling because there are lots of people who are scared of picking up the phone, a lot of people who are scared of going to that meeting because, you know, it happens all the time, like, oh, I haven't meet you Madame Mukherki, bro, I beg escort me.

You know, so it it happens. So if you have a meeting with Madame Mukherki and you're scared for the meeting, what you have to do is you need to come up with a plan, do some research. What is personal selling? What are the principles that undergird personal selling? What kind of frameworks are out there? What kind of talk tracks are out there? What kind of templates, what kind of scripts, what kind of outlines, what kind of whatever it is do you want to call it?

Some personal research is also going to help. What kind of person is Madame Ukariki? What are her priorities in business life, personal life, you know, trying to figure out all these sorts of things. Don't wait until if the meeting is Tuesday, Don't start trying to figure out these things on Monday. You know, that's just going to give you heightened anxiety. So if you able to hook up meeting with Madame Mukherke because you want her to buy your product, invest in your business or whatever, if you fix it for two weeks from now, you know,

now just start doing some small, small research. Check YouTube for all the other things that I was talking about, you know, personal selling, negotiation, handling conversations, blah, blah, blah. Watch a couple of videos and ask around about Madame Mukherke. You'll be much more prepared and much more confident going into that meeting. And what I was trying to stress earlier is this. By the time you meet with Madame Okariki and you meet with Deacon Faduba and you meet with overseen taking B and you meet with Marzi Chukudi.

And by the time you're trying to hook up a meeting with Alpha Metan Curry, you know the, the meeting is not going to be that scary because you've, you've done this thing. You've met with the businesswoman, you've met with the deaconess, you've met with the tribal leader, and you've met with the, you know, the businessman down who lives down from the street and you guys have had one or two conversations. So trying to meet with this other person is not going to be that hard.

So I'm not saying we should disregard all the mental and all the motivational stuff. Don't disregard that, please. It is really important, but deal with the practical challenges first because it's the practical challenges that are actually making you scared. So some of you are going to say highly paid athletes and CE OS. They all have coaches for the mental game. And you guys are absolutely correct. All the highly paid CEOs in Niger or Giant or wherever, yes,

they all have coaches and highly paid athletes all have coaches, yes. But The thing is, these people that you're talking about, they all worked on the practical difficulties first. They worked on the fundamentals first. Because all the mental game in the world is not going to make you play like LeBron James or Michael Jordan or Woods. So if you don't know the fundamentals of dribbling, shooting, using a club, there's no amount of mental work,

confidence in manifesting, whatever that will get you there. It's just not going to happen. It's the same thing I tell my son. I'm a chess enthusiast. Unfortunately, I'm good in teaching different things, but I guess I'm not good at teaching children chess because he leaves feeling demotivated. And then I've started letting him, you know, take a few pieces, things like that. Not like I'm letting him win. I'm just trying to let him see the mechanics of how you capture hanging pieces, how you build your strategy, things like that to build up his confidence.

But I'm also trying to let him know that you can't feel your way to or you can't motivate your way to chess success. You know, the basics first. How do you heard of the pieces, when to castle? What's a modern opening? What are the principles of hyper modern opening? What is considered good strategy or not? What is the best way to take advantage of your major pieces? When should you use a Rook? When should you move your queen?

So like I'm trying to tell him you know all these fundamentals first. When you now know all these things, then this whole thing of trying to psych yourself, you know, 'cause my son watches. What's this thing called Dragon balls? So you know that dragon balls with Goku and the rest of them, you know, you reach a stage in the fight where you psych yourself up and then you, you become, you're entering into Super Saiyan mode and all that,

you know, you just mentally jazz yourself and you know, you move through through the next whatever. So all those things, yeah, they work, but only when you know the fundamentals. So that's why I'm saying that don't disregard the mental stuff, but deal with the practical things first. So if it's sports, learn dribbling, shooting, using the club. If it's chess, learn all the stuff that I've spoken about. It is when you have mastered all these things that then making a where to go and get a a mental coach, motivational coach or whatever is going to help you.

All the mental game in the world is not going to make you a Zuckerberg until you figure out how to code and until you work on product market fit. So those of you boys and girls, you want to hammer, you want to build a fintech, but you're attending one motivational seminar after another after another after another, doing mental game, mental game, mental game. Please learn how to code, learn your discipline, figure out a way to achieve product market fit.

When you get those basics, you can start mentally manifesting, you know, whatever. And somehow this is something that a whole lot of us don't realize because, you know, when you're knee deep in these things, you forget that that, you know, other people exist. Everybody has a fear of failure. Everybody has a sense of inadequacy and everybody has dread over the next step because no one knows everything. So there's always that first uncomfortable step.

It happens to everyone. And I'm sure if you have the pleasure of meeting Dangote, maybe if you know him long enough, maybe one day you guys might be having someone on one. And, you know, he might admit you that. OK, actually before I pull this deal, you know, I wasn't too brave or before I pulled this one, you know, I was confused. I didn't know what to do or the reason why this one was able to happen was because this person guided me or this person did this, this person did that.

So everybody has fears, everybody has sense of inadequacy, everybody has dread over the next step. So just do some research. You'll be able to see what's around the corner. If you can see what's around the corner, if you can see the next step, you take the next step and another and another. Eventually, with small steps, you're going to start jogging. And that, in my own opinion, is how you deal with fear of failure, feelings of inadequacy,

and this whole thing of things are not going to work out. Deal with the practical things first. We can worry about the motivational stuff later. Or Please remember the motivational aspect, the mental game work, the whatever it is you want to call it, it's important. And then for those of you who have you feel like you have serious issues, you feel like you've heard what I'm saying now or you hear what your family members are saying.

And but people don't get you. People don't understand you. If you feel like there's a problem, times have changed. It's no longer, you know, it's not, it's no longer, it's no longer the 1970s or the 1980s that in Nigeria, you know, people thought mental health means you're naked and walking on the street, you know, total madness, You know, like we, and then let me repeat all the words that we used to call those people back then.

So it's no longer 60s, seventies, 80s. There's a different realization now. If you feel like you need help, just go to the nearest General Hospital. OK, Well, with how things have changed, I'm not sure. But anyway, I registered for 5K. So with inflation and everything, let's just say maybe it's 10K, maybe just go, go there, have a chat. I, I will be surprised if they don't have some general psychiatric word or whatever the word is and they just go there sha and speak to someone in the General Hospital.

They'll be able to point you where you can, where you can get the right assistance, where you can get the a doctor look you over and you guys can have conversations about how you solve whatever problems it is that you're going through. So connect with me on WhatsApp, the phone number is 08064662140. The country code is +234 for those of you who are not Nigerian. And please when you connect me on WhatsApp, business discussions please, I am not a personal guru or mental health coach or anything of that nature.

But business code questions, especially if the business question, if I can tie, if I can take sales and business development practice, use that and glean some wisdom from the situation, I should be able to help. Then also connect with me on LinkedIn. My name is Tavishima Ayede, I'm the host of the show. You can confirm the spelling of my name and my e-mail address from the link. We're currently listening to this episode.

Thank you very much for your time and attention. I'll catch you guys at the next episode.