Grieving with Hope: Balancing Loss and Professional Life

Hello and welcome to the podcast. Unfortunately, today we're going to be tackling a very heavy topic and that is dealing with death or dealing with bereavement in business. And as you'll see, I didn't just come up with this on my own, but rather I've been having an interaction with a listener of the podcast. And let's just say it's one of those things, it happens. You know, we all start off a new year on a high note and we all want to do well, we all want to make progress.

But unfortunately there's this listener of the podcast that I've been chatting with who, well, unfortunately he has suffered a bit of tragedy in his business, not him in particular, but some of the people who work for him. And so I thought it would be, I thought it would be a good idea to tackle this, this topic again, because it's something that I've tackled on the podcast before because unfortunately, it's just life.

As much as we'd rather not talk about these sorts of things, it persists. You know, it happens every now and then. It's just a necessary part of the human condition. So I'm just going to try and be straight to the .0. By the way, apologies because of the noise in the background because today is a weekend and the kids have a birthday party. So I just dropped them off at the party. And rather than drive home and then drive back, let me just stay in the parking lot and let me see if I can get some work done.

So yeah, you're going to hear music in the background. You're going to hear cars driving by, children, you know, clocking about and all that. So, yeah. So that's the reason why my name is Tavishima Ayede. I'm the host of the podcast. I'm a former lawyer turned business consultant. If you would love to connect with me, you can call, send me a text message or a WhatsApp message on 08064662140. So if you have questions, you have comments, you have queries,

you'd love to collaborate with me or you want me to consult for you on something, then please reach out. Also subscribe to the podcast on Spotify, on Apple iTunes, YouTube, whoever it is that you listen to your podcast so that you always have access to this business goodness that we talk about over here on the podcast. So like I said today, we're dealing with death and bereavement in business. Now, it's not because I have a morbid fascination.

It's like I said, it's just practical because it's a reality of the human condition. And then also for those of us who are self-employed or trying to build a business, it has implications for how we handle client fulfillment. So I mean, God willing, you know, you know, God will grant us good life, God willing, you know, say Amen if you're listening. So God willing, you know, our lives will be OK. But The thing is, whether it's our loved ones or our employees,

you know, once in a while we suffer bereavement. And it's not a very convenient thing to handle when you have already collected the clients money because you know the client is a human being and the client means well. But The thing is, you know you've collected money. So the fact that you're bereaved, you know, the client will say, OK, condolences to you or condolences to your staff member or condolences to social. And so, and then the next question will now be, OK.

So what's the arrangement now or what's the next step now? You know, unfortunately, our losses, our tragedies does not stop the lives of our clients and our potential customers from from going on. So please don't think I'm being harsh. You know, just it is what it is. I, after my brief career as a lawyer, I did, I moved into events photography and it's something I had to learn very harshly first hand. OK, Well, before that, my career in the civil service, you know,

when my father passed, you know, it was one of those things like I showed up to work the next day, like my father had passed the night before. I showed up the next day. And you know, fortunately, unfortunately, that's just how life is. So my proxy had passed, then I was in benefits administration back in the UK. You know, the guy that was on the phone, as far as he's concerned, his own is, you know, where's my money, you know, and that's just life.

My popsy died. What's his own concern? His own concern is he wants his money and how am I going to get him his money? So that's just it. So that was my first, my first taste. Then back in Nigeria as a wedding photographer was, you know, was just one of those things. There was a wedding planner who I wanted to work with who didn't get to do any work together, but the guy was a nice guy, you know, went to his house and we spoke a bit and for him was something similar.

You know, he woke up, it was a wedding day. He showed up, everything was going all right. And then he got a call from home and said, why people calling me? He said, mom, she don't buy. And you know, it's like that his mom, she died, you know, So of course the bride and everybody else are like, sorry, but then they want to know care. What's the what's the game plan is my wedding day? And of course they their wedding has to continue.

So my guy is doubling back and forth, you know, calling home because he's first born, talking arrangements and then of course, making sure the wedding is going smoothly. Then after everything packed up, the next day is on the way to the villa. So it's just one of those things. And this is the reason why we have to talk about these things, unfortunately. So please, I beg you should nothing can be morbid. It's just one of these things is one of these things is a human condition.

So that's how it happens. So the reason why I remember this again, like I said, is because there's a podcast listener whose teammate died in December of 2025, and then another teammate suffered a personal loss this year, January 2026. And of course, The thing is slowing down production, understandably, you know, if a key member died in December, then January, you know, somebody's mom, she just died again, you know, it will affect all the projects that you guys are working on.

But before I continue, I just want to say something. Now, some of the things I'm going to say might sound easy or might sound trivial. But please, I recognize that this is hard. And please, nobody should be annoyed. Don't be angry. I'm not making a light of these sorts of things because like I've pointed out already, I have suffered bereavement. I lost my dad back when I was in the civil service. And then I've also suffered some bereavement because I've lost a child.

So, you know, if I'm talking, I'm not just talking academics, like I'm there, like I've been there. So I understand the reason why I'm going to say some things is just because some things have to be said. No matter how hard it is, some things just have to be said. That's why I'm going to say it. So nobody said they trivialize anything and I'm not talking as if I'm somebody that has not been scratched by this name before because myself have been hit.

So I understand. So one perspective I want us to look at is how to cope on a mental health level just so that you know, like ourself, like our mind, like like we should become again. See, I'm not trying to trivialize this thing because I know it is hard. It is very, very hard. I have been there so far twice. So but like we just have to charge on, we just have to move on. So like on a mental health level, like we still gots to move.

So that's why I'm going to say small these things, not that it's easy. I know that I'm cheapening this topic. And then also we have to look at another perspective on how to continue with business operations because whether I would like it or not, you know, if you're #2 guy, you know, if the guy by the client is still like, OK, condolences. But then they'll be like, hey, you've collected my millions now. So when are people delivering?

So where was I? So now from a mental health perspective, from a mental health perspective, from a traditional Christian perspective, because if you've been listening to the podcast for the length of time, you know that I'm Catholic. So it's no, it's no surprise to you guys. So from a traditional Christian perspective, you know, Catholics, Oriental Eastern Orthodox, the Coptics, Anglicans, you know who again, you understand from that perspective, what we do is we pray for our dead and then we pray for forgiveness of their sins and we pray that Gods find them.

God finds them worthy to rest in him so that we will now join them in the hope of the resurrection. Because it is part of a recognition of the, of the Christian creed that we will all die. The only thing is just that we know that when we die, that's not the end, that we will be resurrected. So from a mental health perspective, that is the traditional Christian perspective to take. So allow yourself to mourn because the thing will be painful, will be painful as hell.

In fact, there was one time when my kids were asking me questions, my younger son was like, oh, is that a picture of me in the bathroom? I said, no, no, that's not a picture of me. Then my older son was like, oh, is that a picture of me? And then I said, no, it's not a picture of you. And then, you know, I begin to choke. I was getting all emotional. So my wife is the one that now carried the conversation. She said, no, that's your older sister that dad told you all about.

And then she started telling the story. And then she was talking, you know, I begin to choke, you know, small time, you know, I shed a tear. So like, you will mourn. But you know, time comes. You, you remember some things. And like my wife too, she has suffered some loss, not just our daughter, but then also a member of, you know, her family. And, you know, once in a while, you know, we're just chilling. And then all of a sudden she she's angry, you know, she'd have X because of stuff that have happened in the past.

And even my own mum see to the death of her father, the circumstances under which it happens, like it's been a long time, long time, long time. But sometimes, you know, one see itself. She's still a vex. Like no, the way her popsy went out, like the way the guy died was not was not fair. But The thing is, we allow ourselves to mourn, but just remember that as we have mourning Apostle Paul in the good book, the scriptures,

Apostle Paul says we mourn, but not like other people who have no hope. Again, please, some of you don't say that I'm, I'm, I'm talking fury or I'm or I'm yawning, I'm yawning fury or I'm or I'm just making light of the matter. I am not making light of this matter. I have worked through this. I've worked through this path before. So this one is experience I'm talking from. You know, you mourn. Allow yourself to mourn.

Well, you know, there are some of us who who cry like in a lemon. I don't see it anyway. You know, for those of us who cried, like cry, well, allow yourself to mourn, but don't mourn like people who don't have hope. That's what Apostle Paul said. So I'm not preaching here. I'm not doing platitudes. I'm just being real, just being real. If you don't work on this mental health thing like you, you go crazy. That's some people who especially in the West, in America and in the UK, man, that there's some people that just like crumble, like somebody dies and then everything just crumble.

Business crumble, career crumble, personal, whatever, crumble, relationship with Judah, crumble, everything just crumble. So we have to watch mental health. Then I mentioned that the traditional Christian perspective is that you pray for the dead. So what we'll be asking why prayer? Well, to be honest, prayer is the only Ave. that we have available because when I was a small child, there's something my aunt used to say I didn't understand.

My aunt used to say death. There's no appeal. Of course I didn't understand because, you know, I was a kid. So the reason why we pray is because honestly, there's no appeal. Like who you complain to, who you shout to? Where's the Supreme Court that you go and get the the verdict overturn Nowhere. So prayer is the only Ave. And then plus prayer gives us plenty of time for reconciliation because when we pray for our loved ones, you know, begin to remember some kind things like, oh, OK.

Yeah, me and Popsy, we quarrel a boy, you know, you know, there was a time when, you know, the guy did like this guy did like that. Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, very funny. Popsy was a nice guy, you know, you remember some things, you know, fond memories. So honestly, it's only off an Ave. that we have available. That's only Ave. So apart from that, another reason why I say prayer when I talk to people is because I'm also being pragmatic here because, you know, we live in a circular atheistic world.

And so there's the temptation to be angry at life. And let me be frank with you here, being angry at life will get you nowhere. Be angry at life from today to tomorrow. The end is 2 places. Number one is nihilism and then the second one is existentialism. Sorry, forgive me. So nihilism and existentialism, there are philosophical outlooks. So nihilism just means this word self you no get meaning. Once you fall into that level of thinking that this word you no get meaning, you're on the way to some serious serious issues,

mental issues, some serious depression and stuff. Then existentialism is like, like, OK, two of them are the same. Existentialism is more like this, like self, like, what's the goal? What's the purpose? Now when you begin to fall into that level, you're creating a serious problem, not just for yourself, but for your people around you. So for those of us who have kids and other family members, you know, if you fall into nihilism and existentialism, like you're creating serious issues for your kids, for your parents, for your spouse.

So that's why I say from a pragmatic point of view that being angry at life or being angry at God or being angry at karma or being angry at whatever or being angry at your bad luck or whatever, it will get you nowhere. Please again, forgive me. I am not preaching and I'm not trying to oversimplify this something because remember, I'm talking as somebody who has gone through this thing as well. And then let me leave this personal level for now.

Now on to business perspectives. So this is the harsh truth. When my popsy died, I realized it's the harsh truth because I got to work the next day and oibo begin they shout at me like where is my effing money? You know, that's just life. My popsy died but this guy needs his money and I have to sort him out. Then also for this senior Bros in the wedding space that you know, I went to go and meet, you know mumsy died but the bride is like you know, it's my wedding.

Wedding must go on like what's the plan? So from business perspective, unfortunately, life goes on. That's just that's just how it is. If I do something that was this guy's name, Gary Vaynerchuk said, you know, about Prince. He said that when Prince died was like, hey, Prince, Prince himself, you know, that's the musician, the artist formerly known as Prince is so Prince don't die. But then while he was in shock, I can't remember what the scandal was.

And then, you know, the world moves on. So that's it. They announced the death of Prince in the morning. By afternoon another scandal blew and everybody move on. So Gavin Truck said now so live be that you die in the morning and then by evening time, you know scandal bust, news will drop and then people just move on. Everybody forget about you. In the morning people are crying, hey, it was the greatest day ever lived.

But by evening time they moved on another scandal. So that's just it. From a business perspective, unfortunately life goes on. Things been moving. Now, the Nigerian clients are very, very understanding when they hear that kind of enable Omar show Bel Air, you know, take hearts, you know, they'll pray for you. You know, how is mommy? How is this? How is your wife? Like the Nigerian clients? Yeah, they try. They try when they're here.

But at the end of the day, you know, they've still paid you money. So it might be a tough conversation, but they will still have to call you. They'll still have to call you the next day or two days or three days or whatever to have that conversation about, OK, you know, how far was the way forward? So anyway, life goes on. Now these are the reasons why SOP's standard operating procedures are important because when you have a document, when you have a framework that is in the office, on your computer, on your hard drive, on your flash drive, on your whatever that somebody can refer to, it makes it easy for somebody to take their place.

So like for those of us who used to do photo and video or even loss of exactly. So OK, no, for lawyers, it's different because there's there's the practice manager, there's the office diary, there's the case file. And so for lawyers, it's easy. If you die now the next person just has to pick up the file and, you know, read up, they can continue with the client. But for other people that can the event space like photography or I don't know, whatever business you do, it would be nice if you have some.

SO. PS So there's somebody dies midway, another person can just come pick up the document and say, where's this project? And then they will now know how to fall in and continue. And then this is also another reason why shared access is important because of key man risk. Because I was listening to a podcast, I think like two or three days ago and was something that I think they were a marketing agency and it's something that caused your yawa like those the main partner in the firm, one of the main partners in the firm was hardly one very, very important client.

And then, you know, unfortunately the guy just, you know, the guy just passed away. But it was a project that we're working on. They now needed access to the guy's computer. But The thing is passworded. Nobody has the password. The wife doesn't know password, the children don't know password. How can you hide the system? You don't know? So they know how to start rebuilding this whole campaign based on Scratch. So standard operating procedures and shared, shared access on stuff really, really, really important.

So that key man risk will stop business operations. So that won't be a matter of, you know, somebody just die. And then this guy is so important. The guy's the person who only has access to everything. So because of that business, you just stop. But anyway, from all the things I've seen so far, you can hear that there's some legal considerations and then there's also some human resource considerations. So please, as you know, when it comes on the business level, you know, comes up with a lawyer, I

comes up with your human resource practitioner. They're the ones that will tell you what's up. You know what, what you need to do. Because me, I'm only just talking from a, from a personal perspective on this one, because my specialty is sales. My specialty is not human resources or dealing with bereavement. But if you're, if it's your staff member who has lost someone, whether we like it or not, people are entitled to leave in that when I say leave,

I mean you know like annual leave now, I mean time off and people are entitled to time off. But anyway, like I said, comes up with your lawyer, comes up with your human resource practitioner, they will let you know what's up. But here are just some simple guidelines. So on a human level, now in the Niger context, on a human level. Like, I don't know what the legal requirements are, but I'm just saying on a human level,

this is all operating in Niger. Muslims usually bury their dead in a day, but still, you know, they need time to travel. And then they also need to see to administration of a state according to Islamic rights. But the way Muslims do it is, you know, sharp, sharp. It doesn't take time. I can't remember because it's been a long time since I studied family law in school, but it's a sharp, sharp something. I think maybe like one week, no,

two weeks, you know, they need to sit down with the imam or whoever and start discussing all these things. What should people need? Time to travel. So if you have staff or business partners who are Muslims, you know, that's one thing to just bear in mind. Again, I have not been in the legal space for a very long time. It's been a long time since I studied family law. So don't take anything I'm saying here as legal advice.

I'm just talking on a, on a human level. That's just what I'm saying, you know, as we know our culture, we know how we operate around here. So I'm just talking on a human level. So for the legal, proper legal, whatever, I'm going to ask a lawyer, you know, how much time do I need to give my staff off? Oh, yeah. So human resource professional now for the religions, like for Catholics in Nigeria is roughly 3 weeks. And that's because the Catholic Catholic Bishops Conference and then other Christian traditions in Nigeria have tried to go around some traditional burial practices, you know, where you used to have a first burial,

second burial, third burial. And, you know, they can be quite expensive and, you know, lead to suffering of the families. And so because of that, the Catholics Bishops Conference, the guidance they'll be given now is that three weeks, you know, if somebody drops now, make sure you bury the person in three weeks. That whole thing of 2nd burial, third burial or whether you have to go and cut off other people's heads to bury the best enjoying because you know, there's some cultural practices like that.

You know that one you, you do it by yourself if you want to Bush as far as the church is concerned, in three weeks. So the reason why I'm just pointing this out is, you know, your business partner or your employees, you know, they lose someone. Like I said, I don't know what the legal requirements are, like how much time you have to let them go or the human resource, like proper human resource practice. So I don't know.

But I'm just saying that on a human level that this this is what operates. You know, it will take 3 weeks to sort out everything. But the summary of what I'm trying to say is your employees, your business partner, your whoever, they need time off to go and deal with some issues. So just I understand. But then again, there are some folks that are peculiar, some people are different. So for my wife, when her grandmother died, you know, she left work.

Well, me when Pop C died, you know, I was thinking, OK, I shouldn't go to work because so I just you know, bath freshen up, you know, I entered the office. Besides, I was working in the UK then it's not as if they're going to give me leave because able people they handle the handle death differently. You believe they gave me 4 days. I tried to explain to my line manager. I say I say no Popsy there and I'm here in the UK like you give me 4 days like what four days do for me.

I just said oh I'm sorry, Tamashima is, yeah, it's just the law, it's the practice in Scotland. I say OK now only four days. OK, so only that's a book culture. They only gave me 4 days so but still I showed up to work because I didn't think I should stay at home. I'd just be crying anyhow because my pussy don't die. Then there was also my one of my second shooters who unfortunately anyway I saw Rest in peace. We started shooting to make his own rest in peace rather we started shooting in the morning but afternoon they called and said pops you don't die.

And I was telling her that no you don't you don't have to stay like we have done. We have finished church so reception I will handle the reception by myself. He said no that if I go home what will I be doing that I'll just be crying that is too late. I can't enter KD now and besides I want to even travel with my sister. My sister is not around, so she just said, look, let's not talk about this again. Let me continue shooting.

When I finish, you know, I'll sort myself out. And so we shot, finished shooting the whole wedding. And then the next day she was on her way to Katy. So some people thought it was odd, but me, I understood perfectly. Well, there's some people who are like, OK, you don't happen like that's happened. What will I do? Will I mop? And I guess for some people it's a distraction. But if one of your employees is like that, in my opinion, don't,

don't push it. Don't say, look, you must close your computer, you must leave. You must go home Now. You know, if they say, OK, I'm already here, I've already started the day's work, let me round up and then let me go home. Anyway, I shouldn't be talking about these sorts of things since I'm not a psychologist anyway. But just know that some people are different like that. Some people still want to show up to work. But summary, your employees,

your partner, your whatever is going to need time off to deal with with some of these things. So sorry to talk about a very heavy topic like this, especially early in the year, January 2026. In fact, it is my prayer that good health and blessings will follow us in 2026 and our death is not going to cross our path this year. But unfortunately, from a business perspective, we have to be prepared because clients have given us money and the client is not going to hear.

I am bereaved for an answer. Client won't hear. And that's the reason why I tackle. I tackled this topic the first time a couple of years ago on the podcast because one of my partners, you know, healthy guy, more than one day there were some heart anomalies. And so we had to have a meeting. He does call me and say, oh boy, at their house. I say, yeah, I'm there. It's OK, Me and GD were coming. I say like when I like you're coming, like what's happening,

say annoying when I show. And then it came and then we sat down and then he just gave it to me black and white. It's OK. Look, this is what happened. I wanted to see the doctor. They says like this, like this, like this. I need to be in Lagos now because of this project that is on ground. I have given Jidi access to this and to this and to this and to that. And so this is the plan that God will now go and come back. But in case I don't come back,

you know, we discussed with Jidi and this is how everything will be. And I appreciate what my guy did because man, that's a very hard conversation to have very hard. And you know, of course I need to be sure that he was OK and he was like how for do now? Like you don't happen, you don't happen. Let me go to Lagos, the one I see, I will see. And now of course I need to be sure his wife was cool. He said that even before marriage.

I already told his wife. So she she knew that is a pre-existing something. So, you know, we had that conversation and so that's when I made the first podcast recording on, you know, these sorts of things. So unfortunately, if you've collected client money, the client will not hear. I am bereaved. They want to know what's the plan. And so because of that, those of us who are business people in Niger, you know, we we regass to come up with a plan.

But like I said, it's my prayer that all will be well in 2026. So for those of you who are like this, my podcast listener who have suffered bereavement 2025 and then 2026, you know, May God grant you and your families the grace to be A to be at the loss. So sorry. Well, it's just, it's just one of those things. All right, So thanks for listening to the podcast. Remember, if you want to connect with me, you can call, send me a text message or a WhatsApp message on 08064662140.

So thank you very much for your time and attention. I will catch you all some other time. And don't worry, the next podcast episode is going to be much more upbeat. So yeah, don't worry, no more, no more Downers. So I will catch you all some other time.