Why Being Likable Isn't Enough to Close the Deal

Hello and welcome to the podcast. Today we're going to be talking about rapport in sales, rapport in business, what that means, why that is important. And of course, the reason why we are tackling that today is because there are some people who are chatting about on LinkedIn, talking about rapport and and the problem with social media nowadays is some people have opinions that are not correctly formed. But you know, social media gives everybody a a mouthpiece.

So people are going off on social media, you know, yakking what they really don't know much about. For those of you who might be chilling on socials, but also follow me over here on the podcast. I'm making the day's recording so that you guys get the 411 on what rapport is, you get the correct scope and then how to apply it to your business. And of course, this is a topic that is kind of big. So instead of making one big one hour podcast, what I'm going to do is I'll just chop it up, make some small recordings.

So today we'll talk about what rapport is and some ideas about how to achieve rapport. And then, you know, tomorrow and beyond we can start exploring some ideas about what rapport is not and maybe come up with some more concrete examples. So that's what we're doing today. Rapport in sales, rapport in business. What is it? Why is it important? If this your first time listening to the podcast, then hello and welcome. My name is Tavishima Ayedin.

I'm the host of the podcast. I'm a former lawyer turned business consultant and I love solving business problems. So that's what I do here every single day. I open the microphone and I give you all some business goodness. Although I'm making today's recording at home, so expect to hear some noise in the background because kids are home and the weekend has just begun. And if you like all the things that you hear by the time you're done listening to the podcast,

please subscribe on Spotify, YouTube, Apple, anywhere you listen to great audio and tell your friends, your family members, and your enemies as well. Because if your enemies prosper, you will prosper too. I'll explain that later, then let's see what else. OK, If you'd love to connect with me, you can call, send me a text message or a WhatsApp message on 0806466 2140. I'd love to hear particularly from those of you who have two or three ideas for businesses,

but you're having problems getting started and in fact they're trying to juggle 3 or 4 things, but you're not making significant progress in either of them. I've come up with a course to be able to take care of that. So reach out to me and let's start your business in three easy steps. Let's make sure that we pick the right idea. After that, we make sure that we validate the business idea and prove that there is demand for the idea.

Because there's no point in starting a business that people don't want. No point in starting a business idea that people don't want, people don't need, and even if they want it, they need it. They don't think it's a big enough problem to pay money for. Then after that, we're going to come up with a selling system to make sure that you get repeat business so that people come back to buy again and again. Then also to make sure that they bring referrals to you.

So they make introductions to their friends and to their family members and also to their enemies as well. Let's not be prejudice, let's not discriminate. Let's take the money wherever we can get the money from. So I'd love to hear from anyone, phone number 08064662140. Particularly you guys were confused right now juggling two or three ideas. All right, so now back to the topic for today, rapport in sales. Why are we talking about rapport?

What does rapport mean? You know, so I already told you guys, too many people are yakking off on social media and they don't know a damn thing about rapport. So what rapport means, because people have been talking about all kinds of things like rapport is, I ever heard somebody say rapport is being authentic. And you know, like, OK, maybe, maybe you can say rapport is authenticity. But The thing is, at the end of the day, what does authenticity mean?

And you know, we help, like how will authenticity help you? You're in front of potential customer, you're trying to close the deal, you're trying to get this guy to invest in your startup, or you're, you're trying to get somebody's support for an agenda that you're trying to move in the village town hall meeting or maybe at the, you know, in the department, in the office or whatever. And then now you're forming authenticity.

You know, also, anyway, I'll get to all that tomorrow. But essentially this is what rapport means in a sales context or in a business context, rapport just means first of all, you have two parties or two interest groups and then there's a level of ease and then there's a level of comfort. That is what rapport means. All these fancy ideas that you're seeing around essentially boils down to this dynamic. There's you and then there's me.

We're both talking about something. We're both trying to arrive somewhere. I'm trying to convince you to come along on something. You're trying to explain to me your own point of view. We're trying to do some business together. We're in the middle of a negotiation. We're in the middle of a mediation. We're in the middle of a whatever. In every single business context, so long as between party A and Party B, there's some ease, there's some comfort,

we have rapport. So why is rapport important? Rapport is important because there are certain things that are necessary components to a close sale, like we have to hit this thing. We just like we have to, we have to hit them before we close the deal. And rapport, that dynamic of rapport is what is important that will help us to slide through all these stages. Number one is relationship building. Relationship building really,

really important if you want to close the deal. By the way, some people here relationship building and they think we all of us should be friends. Like no, we don't have to be friends. This is business. I'm not looking for a new best friend. Your customer is not looking for a new best friend. In fact, if you think your customer is looking for a new best friend, that you guys are getting along and all that, I hate to tell you this, but you will severely the level of heartbreak that will catch you.

It will surprise you. It will surprise you. And I've seen it happen to people a lot like, oh, that was a good meeting, got along well, blah, blah, blah. I think this guy is my friend, she's my friend, blah, blah, blah. But once the business deal finishes, like what happened? I thought we were friends. I thought we were buddies. Nobody's looking for a friend. I beg. It's business. People have a problem they're trying to fix.

They have a solution that they're looking for or they're trying to make money. So this one is not friendship. So rapport does not mean friendship. Relationship building does not mean friendship. So stop thinking that you have to be people's friends. But however you are in a relationship, relationship does means. OK, I'll explain it now. I was going to say relationship means when are they relate. But my father were alive, he would tell me, Tava Shima, you don't use secular definitions.

Remember the first time he told me that I was thinking I was like in primary school. So it was a circular definition because I was thinking of circles. My father said a circular definition is when you try to define a word by using that word itself. So you can't say relationship means or not. They relate what? Sure. Whenever both of you are in a certain, I'll put no, since I don't want to say real relation. OK. You guys are in a certain standing do have certain a certain orientation towards a common goal.

So because of that, you have to build some kind of OK, if anybody's listening to this and you, you know my late father, don't be disappointed, I beg. But I'm in the fix here. So let me just say the best way I can. So anyway, even though we're not going to be friends, yes, we still have to build some sort of a relationship. So me and my kids, we have a relationship. Me and my wife, we have a relationship. Me and my students, we have a relationship.

Me and my clients, we have a relationship. So you can see that any which relationship did, but relationship doesn't mean best friend. That is just what I'm trying to disabuse from anybody's mind who is listening to this thing about the first time. Also, anybody who is going across on who's just hanging out on LinkedIn, on Instagram and seeing some funny ideas about rapport don't want to be looking for best friend. This is just business.

Once people collect their money, once people achieve their aim, everything go downgrade. And if you are emotionally invested, you'll be shocked, you feel emotionally rejected. So what was I? So rapport is important because it helps to establish business relationships. Then without rapport, we're not going to be able to do need analysis. Need analysis is the stage in the business relationship where you, the business person, you the vendor.

So let's say you're a solar provider or OK, my last client now who is into audiobook production. So let's say you're a solar provider or you're into audiobook production. Eventually you have to get to the point where you start asking people some very concrete questions, like the my client who is in Audible production. Eventually he has to get to the stage where he asks people, oh, what stage of the book writing process are you at?

OK, when did you publish? Can I have a look at the manuscript? Who is the ideal audience? How much sales have you done so far? How much traction does the book have? What are the projections you're working with? Where do you want the books to be featured in? What kind of platforms are you looking towards? You know, what's your goal for this audio book that we're going to begin. So you can see now that if you do not achieve a certain level of rapport, these kind of questions will be like, like who are you?

Like why are you asking me this kind of question? Why are you asking me about my sales, the level of sales I've done on the book? Why? So certain kinds of questions that you need to ask at the need analysis stage are not possible unless you have built A7 level of rapport. It's the same thing with solar sales. So sorry about the noise in the background. That's that's just my kids running around. Where was I now? So like now solar sales, so eventually, yes, you ask everybody some, you know, some kind basic questions, you know,

how many fridge, how many degrees, blah, blah, blah. But sometimes there might be a need to go into somebody's office or somebody's home to go and do a proper energy audit. Maybe because the things people are talking about, you know, the mathematics know they add up. So it's a matter of, you know, we actually need to go to the house and do a proper energy audit. Now, if you've not achieved a certain level of rapport and then you're saying, oh, we need to come to the house, who is going to be around?

You know, people will be like, it's a bit much. It's like you're kind of forward that you want to come to my office. Why? Or you want to come to my house because why? So for service based professionals, in fact for any kind of professional self, whatever business it is you do, eventually we have to get to the need analysis stage and we need to ask some very concrete, very cogent, very, very, you know, direct questions.

And we can ask that question unless there is a certain level of rapport. So that's the reason why we need it. Once we have rapport, we can do relationship building. Once we have rapport, we can do need analysis. And then rapport also fosters trust. Trust what allows people to just calm down and be cool. Don't tie their chest in the beginning while strangers, you know, I don't know you, you don't know me. So if I ask you some kind of questions, you know, you, you lock up If I ask you about the revenues that you're doing now,

of course, the reason why I'm going to be asking that kind of question is because I need to know where your business is currently. So that in this engagement that we're entering into, I will know like what is realistic? Where can we move your revenues to what should be a realistic goal? But if I don't achieve a certain level of rapport, you know, in the beginning, that's asking you questions about your revenue. You will look up you your mind,

you'll be thinking, ah, see this *** the guy thinking shop, he's asking me about my revenue. So you know how much wants to charge me, of course, you know, definitely down on the, you know, if I'm asking somebody and the person is saying revenue last month we did 50M in my mind I'm like oh, OK, 50 M that's all right then. And I'll say so excuse me then and I'll say and this month we're on track to break 120 M I'll be writing it in my Diaries.

OK, correct. 50M120M correct. Nice one, nice one, nice one. But beyond that, I also need to know where you are in your business so that we can have some very frank conversations about what it is that is possible. So for somebody that jumped from 80 to 140 and they're saying that, you know, next month they want to move from 140 M to, you know, 560 M, If I've asked the questions before, I've gotten a sense of how their revenue was growing.

You know, we can have the conversation to say, bro, I like the fact that you know, you're forward thinking and you know you're optimistic. I like your horses. But you know what, based on this history where we don't establish see the way the growth has been growing. So we guys make some more realistic projections about where we can take your business if we apply this and if we apply that. So rapport gives trust. When people trust you and they are calm, don't answer your question.

So this rapport is really, really important. Now the other ingredients that are necessary to close the sale, but you can see so far from these ones where don't you know outline that I've mentioned, you can see that rapport is important. No rapport or no relationship building, no rapport, no need analysis, no rapport, no trust. If you can't do need analysis, there's no trust and then you know, build relationship. Then what do you mean again?

Now chances of this deal moving forward are slim to none. So I hope I've been able to convince you guys that rapport is necessary to a close sale. And this is how. So the question now becomes, how do you achieve rapport? And this is where all these people running around on social media talking about be authentic, This is where they won't help you. They'll say be authentic. OK, cool. And then you like the post and you share the post and you say deep, deep, correct insights.

Then tomorrow you're face to face to the potential customer. But the only thing you can remember in your head is be authentic, be authentic, be authentic. Like, OK, how, how? OK, what's the next step? How can you be authentic in this situation now? And how are you going to be able to channel this authenticity to be able to move this relationship along? So all these people that are talking all kinds of, you know, just Yaniel paths anyhow on social media, they mean well.

Oh, they mean well, but it's just that they're half baked. They won't fully cook themselves. They will fully learn, learn the whole thing. They haven't learned the whole world yet. And so the small that they know, they're just regurgitating. So we should be careful, please, the social media influencers, the gurus, the whatever that we follow. Let's, let's, let's be careful, please, let's be careful. But anyway, even if you've been following one of those people,

you're still on the right path because at least you know that you're lacking in some skills and you want to learn one or two things. All right, so let me move on. Let me stop bashing those people. So how do we achieve rapport now? And if you if you if you come across Tom Hopkins is an American sales trainer. Some of you say, yes, the guy is old. He's been he was born, you know, during the time of Moses. Yes, I agree. So his material is mostly from like 1986, you know, like around that kind of era.

But still, it doesn't mean, it doesn't mean we don't focus on how old the principles are. What we focus on is whether the principle still applies, the frameworks still apply. That is what we focus on. We don't focus on how old this thing is. So if somebody comes to you with a selling system, but the selling system was created in 1910, the fact that the thing was the system was created in 1910 doesn't mean you now snubbed the thing.

No, you will interrogate it. OK, This thing was created in 1910, no problem. What are the components of this selling framework? What does this mean? What does this mean? OK, how was it applied back in 1910? OK, cool. How was it applied in its original context? OK, no problem. Can I apply this in the Nigerian context? These are the questions that you will ask yourself. So let's not get carried along like all these other influencers, you know, over on social media, on LinkedIn, on Instagram, and you know,

everybody chasing the newest, you know, thing. Stop fooling them to chase the new thing. The fundamentals are fine. The fundamentals are fine. Just figure out the fundamentals, learn the fundamentals. You'll be you'll be perfectly fine. So I'm Tom Hopkins now, by the way. I'm sorry. 1 moment. OK, sorry about that. It's almost 20 minutes. I wanted to make sure that this podcast episode wouldn't overshoot. So I set an alarm.

Yeah, I should have set a silent alarm actually. OK, where was I now? So how to achieve commonality? Now I'm talking about some ideas that we can trace back to Tom Hopkins. But of course, he's he, you know, he's not the end all and be all the other people who have different ideas on different frameworks and how to achieve commonality. But the reason why I just go with Tom Coppins is because, you know, his frameworks are easy to remember.

And of course, since the guy is a sales trainer in the OK well was no, he is, I think the guy is still alive. So I think so let me go and check. So I'm a sales friend and automotive space, you know, his frameworks are very simple, easy to learn. Anything the guy is trying to explain is usually, you know, 2233, you know, 2 points, 3 points, not 5 steps, 7 steps, 12 steps, 15 steps, no, simple, easy to understand. So for Tom Hopkins, he talks about achieving rapport just by building commonality.

Then the other people who talk about building rapport by doing active listening, But for now, forgive me, no particular author comes to mind, but commonality, now it's a Tom Hopkins thing. Active listening, other people will talk about that. So commonality, what does commonality mean for Tom Hopkins? Commonality just means what's similar. I'm like you, you're like me. It makes people to calm down if you don't believe me.

For those of us who schooled abroad for a while and who lived abroad for a while, remember the first time that you had to leave your university accommodation? The first time we had to move into town. So I hooked up with this agent or went to go and look at houses and I was with my girlfriend at the time, now my wife, but then she was my girlfriend. So of course I wonder how to come along now because I wanted her opinion.

So we went out on the bus. Now I was just they move, just they move. All of a sudden we're entering into one part of town where, how will I put it? You know, I don't use my mouth. I see everything but just flow with me. You understand what I'm saying? Went into one part of town where I was not seeing anybody like me again, if you understand what I'm saying, you know I was not seeing any Nigerian looking people, no Ghanaian looking people, no Ken Kenya ish looking people, no like nothing,

nothing. And then worst of all, it was that kind neighborhoods in Scotland where they used to call them Charles, Charles, that's council housing and Vagabond. That'd be something like that. You, but you understand what I mean, As in people like all these rough, not even cream or you both like rough or you both. So as we're going now, as I was thinking in my head, my girlfriend now my wife then she was my girlfriend. She just gave me elbow.

I understood very well. So I told the guy that now I don't think he said, but you haven't seen the house. I said no, it's, it's, it's OK. I just said no, It's a, it's a little too, it's a little too out of the way for my, for my liking as I would just, you know, go down and move to a new place. So that's what commonality means. I'm like you, you're like me. As we were moving now, I was not seeing anybody that was like me.

And I was saying, hey, only me. How would I be the only Nigerian guy in the midst of all these? And then plus all of them, they are now charged again, You know, rough, rough people. And you know me, I grew up soft life in Abuja, say hey, do come and leave me in this environment. I say hey, So that's what commonality means. I'm like you, you're like me. We're similar. We're cool with the vibe, with the flow. That's what commonality means.

So Tom Hopkins says to achieve commonality, what you do is you engage somebody in conversation. Then you now begin to pull out some common themes from your conversation. You guys might have some shared history, you might have some shared personal context, you might have some shared hobbies, some shared perspectives. You just begin the highlight them 1 by 1 by 1. You know, simple things. Hey, what's up? How you doing? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Oh, that's your key chain. So. Oh, that's your key chain. Oh, yeah. So he went to OAU. Oh, yeah, of course I did. Correct. What set? Blah, blah, blah. And then for a greatest affair. And then from there you are flowing. And yes, I went to the greatest university in the world above and my Wallowa University. That's why I did my undergraduate. And yeah, I use that, you know, whenever possible, whenever I meet another affair person, I

just grabbed their body like that. So if I'm trying to get any big contract, if I haven't gotten any big contracts in a while, that's true. But if I'm trying to get any big contract and I turn to any place and I see any OU person, oh, forget it. I would just gone body on that person. That's my new road into the organization. So that's commonality. You're teasing out common history, common personal context, common hobbies, common perspectives.

Come on, everything. But Tom Hopkins gives a warning. He says don't dwell. What that means is just tease it out and then quickly refocus and get back to business because some people get make the mistake of you dwell in it and you continue to talk and talk and talk. Next thing you realize that for 45 minutes you have been talking about OAU, how was school? When did you get in? Was the night life? What happened to the vice chancellor, What happened to this?

What happened to that, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then there was somebody that I was working with who fell precisely into that trap. She was building rapport. But after like one hour of talking about the guy's life and their history and everything, I was like, oh, you know what? I'll get back to you. That one doesn't help you as it is. It is also another reason why I say, look, we're not here to make friends. If you sit down and you discuss with somebody you're doing rapport, rapport, rapport 45

minutes, one hour at the end of the day, say, oh, look at that man, time has flown on actually should be on the road now I want to avoid traffic. This is this that that that that that you know and no Allah, no problem. No, I'll check you, I'll boss you, I'll boss you and then as how the conversation dies, I'll boss you. They have you help yourself. You've not made progress. You've gotten there and you found out that this guy is a correct guy or she's a correct babe and you will have so much in common.

But you didn't live with money. I didn't believe with any single sign that shows that you are closer to money or closer to closing the deal. So you have wasted your time. So Tom Hopkins says just tease it and then move on. So how are you? Great effect. Great. What year did you finish now? Oh, I finished in 1996. You're, you're an embryo saying you, what year did you finish? I finished in 198181. You know, my father's age, man,

to have blah, blah, blah, blah, and then refocus and then move on. You don't dwell. You don't want to do whole thing of how things have changed from 1981 when he graduated to 1996 when you graduated. None of that later on when people have closed the deal and you've collected money and you can be getting to know each other well, well, well, well, well. But for now, just establish and then move on. If you don't to believe me,

believe Tom Hopkins, Uncle Tom has said it. And I've seen too many people make that mistake. In fact, I've made that mistake too. Talking with somebody for two hours, feeling like we're best friends there. At the end of the day, somebody else now come and collect the deal and then you're sitting and wondering like what happened now? I thought we were getting along. Anyway, let me move on. So yeah, that's how you achieve commonality according to Tom Hopkins.

So I achieve rapport by establishing commonality, then active listening. Active listening is when first of all you are engaging the person in open conversation. You are asking open-ended questions so that person can talk freely. An open-ended question is a question that somebody to respond. The person has to give story. The opposite of course, is closed ended questions that can't be answered with yes or no. So any question that can be answered with yes, no, or maybe,

that's a closed question. So we try and ask open-ended questions. They begin with who, why, what, where, when, and how. Spoken about that in previous podcast episodes. For those of you who are new to the podcast, let me just say it again. Let me slow it down. Who, why, what, where, when and how? So when you go to the doctor and the doctor says, oh young man, how can I help you today? You see, how can I help you today?

open-ended question. You actually have to start the story that well doctor, you know, you see this thing on my head. I was quarreling with my wife and you know, she took this thing too seriously. Next thing, wow, my wife tell me slap. Since then I've not been seen in my left eye. You see, to answer the question, you have to answer that thing with story. So who, why, what, where, when, and then how. That's how you open up the conversation.

So for active listening, that's how you'll be asking the person the questions. You know, how can I help you? How do you know so and so? Oh, can you tell me more about you see, can you tell me more about the person? Cannot say yes. No person has to tell you a story. So like in my own case now for instance, if the person says oh we did 60 million last year and well of course not to make 120, you know, I can say OK, tell me some more about that.

The person that has to give me story about what is going on and then you see I will now be understanding the situation. So active listening, you start with open-ended questions, then you always have to be getting feedback to be sure. Oh, so OK, The way I like to do is I like to ask or I have to say, if I understand you correctly and then I restate. Or some people think that is too formal. No problem. There are different ways of getting feedback.

Like my wife, for instance, if she's having a conversation with people, even in a professional setting, her own way of feedback, like I've seen her do this before. Like really. So even now something really, you'll get the person to talk some more or you see you're kind of getting feedback, shooting your course, what else? So anyway, Sha, listening to people, trying to get feedback, trying to expand on key areas of the discussion.

That is what we consider active listening. And then of course, passive listening is when you do what my wife doesn't like, which is when you keep quiet and just listen. Now, typically what happens when my wife comes to tell me that, oh, I had a nasty day at the office, I don't like this person. I don't like this person. What I used to do before was I will tell her, OK, you know what, do it like this, do it like this, do it like this.

But that's when I was young in marriage and I'm still young. Anyway, we haven't reached 20 years yet. So but I think we'll now call Squirrel because my wife will now say why are you taking their side, blah, blah, blah, blah. I need you to listen to me. What I need is your support and this and this and that. So what I started doing was I started trying to listen, but I won't even cause problem because you know, she'll be talking and I want to tell her that you know what, next time he does this,

say this. But then something my mind will tell me that, look, if you do this, they'll be quiet. So I now keep quiet. And then my wife will now start saying that, look, I've been talking to you for 45 minutes now. You've not said anything. You're just keeping quiet and you're looking at me. And then of course that causes another problem. But anyway, like I said, you know, I'm still young and married. So me, I'm learning.

I'm learning how to be a better husband. That's what we call passive listening when you just keep quiet and then you look as when people will be feeling now be wondering this conversation I'm having is of am I making sense? I'll be this guy slow. So do not do passive listening. Don't be like me when my wife is trying to complain about stuff that is not going on well in other areas of work or whatever. So don't do passive listening.

Do active listening, engage, engage, open-ended questions, try and get some feedback, expand on the key areas. In fact, that's what I should be doing. That's true. I should take my own advice. You know what, I'll try it this evening after she gets home from work and I'll give you guys the feedback. I'll see if I was able to do active listening. Well then the good thing about active listening is, is this. When you're doing active listening with people, people feel elevated.

They feel affirmed, they feel seen, they feel heard. That is the reason why somebody like my wife would say, I've been talking for 45 minutes, you're just looking at me with your eye open. She's not feeling affirmed, not feeling elevated, not feeling heard, not feeling seen. Now this thing also plays into sales dynamics as well. When the customer feels, I see, oh, this guy, he hears me, he sees me, he feels me. This babe, she understands me.

She understands the situation. She knows what's going on. Can you see how the level of rapport would arise, right? And can you also see why I say all these people who are running around on social media telling you that rapport is authenticity? They're not helping you. They're not helping you at all. Authenticity. Also, how do you build authenticity? What is authenticity? And then how will authenticity help you authenticate this business relationship?

Please be careful. The people that you are following online, be careful. The knowledge they have is half baked and they will lead you to your own destruction. Be careful who you follow. I beg. Where was I anyway? So you can see now some of the dynamics that are underneath this whole thing when we say rapport. But anyway, I trust you get it. The rapport is important. Then how do you achieve it? We've looked at 2 perspectives.

Tom Hopkins, who will say commonality, some other people who will say active listening. So OK, it's been 30 minutes. Let me not, let me not dwell on this thing too much because after all, tomorrow, I'm going to come back. And then we're also going to continue on rapport in sales, rapport in business again. So Nancy, for today, thank you very much for listening. Remember, you have a question, comment, or query. You can call me, send me a text message or a WhatsApp message on 08064662140.

And for those of you who are utterly confused, you have 345 ideas. You don't know which one is the best one. You're not making progress on anything. You're not making a single couple. Reach out to me on 08064662140. Let's start your business, your business life in three easy steps. First of all, let's pick the correct idea. It's not as if we'll throw away those other 4-5. We will just shelve them for now. Let's gain traction on one.

Let's gain traction on one. First, we shelved the other ones, those ones who come into the sunlight. Later on, when we can get the first business standing, we validate this first business idea. Make sure that there's demand for this business idea. Then create a selling system around this business idea. When that one is standing there, we can now go back to the folder and start looking at, OK, what about #2 #3 #4 #5. So that's it.

And that's all for today. Thank you very much for listening. I'll catch you all some other time.